TeenHealthFX - Answers - Best Friend Says She Wants To Kill Herself

Helping Friends/Loved Ones Who Are Suicidal Or In Abusive Situations / Question
Published: July 26, 2006

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I am seriously getting stressed here! My best friend told me yesterday that she was through with life and she wanted to kill herself! I've been through this before with another one of my friends. It turned out that that friend wasn’t going to commit suicide she was just really depressed but I had told someone. Now it’s happening again with a different friend so I told my mom this time. I let her read the conversation we had and then my mom was just like "All I see here is a very angry child trying to get attention." I don’t see it that way though. My mom had said that out of the 100% of people that say there going to commit suicide, 98% don’t and 2% do. My friend said that sometime before high school is over she's going to kill herself. I have 4 years to convince her not to, but I tried a ton yesterday. She said its not helping and that I shouldn’t be her friend anymore. I love being her friend and I understand that she's trouble from home life (her mother doesn’t trust her!

Her brother doesn’t like her, and her dad abused her but has stopped). What should I do? I really don’t want my friend to kill herself but she doesn’t understand that!

Signed: Best Friend Says She Wants To Kill Herself

Dear Best Friend Says She Wants To Kill Herself,

In general, whenever anybody has a friend or loved who is in danger – whether there is harm or threat of harm from themselves or from someone else – if you are worried about that person’s well-being it is essential that a trusted adult is notified right away so that he/she can intervene in the situation.

In this case you could tell your friend’s parents, a school social worker, school psychologist, school nurse, principal, or teacher – keep telling adults until someone acts on what you are saying. It is important that an adult be notified about what is happening to your friend right away so that he/she can intervene on your friend’s behalf. Your friend is clearly in need of mental health treatment so that she can deal with her suicidal tendencies and the underlying issues that are contributing to these tendencies. It may also be necessary for an adult to assess your friend’s home environment – whether it is currently a safe place for her (since you mentioned a history of abuse), as well as to assess the need for your friend’s parents to be in counseling as well so that their relationships with your friend can be addressed.

While you obviously care about your friend’s well being – a wonderful quality to have – it is important in general to find a way to be there for friends and loved ones during their time of need without completely taking on their problems. It is not your responsibility to fix this situation for your friend, and it is not within your power to ensure that your friend definitely will not ever harm herself since in this type of situation your friend clearly requires professional help.

If your friend lives in northern New Jersey and needs help finding a therapist you or she can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you or she can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in her area.

If your friend get to the point that she is seriously considering suicide or are afraid of her impulses then she needs to seek help immediately. You or she can call 911 or she can go to her nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you or she can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX