TeenHealthFX - Answers - Thoughts Of Suicide And Running Away

Suicide / Question
Published: July 2, 2007

Dear TeenHealthFX,

Since I was 11 years old, I've had thoughts of committing suicide or running away. Right now, I'm just a few months before turning 16 and I'm still under the thoughts of suicide and running away. I'm aware that these acts are not the answer to everything and that it'll just make my problems worse. I have strict parents who have high expectations and who expect me to be an independent woman by the time I leave for college but they still treat me like a child. I know I have good morals and enough common sense to take care of myself. But they are always on my back, piling stress on me that I feel that I can no longer handle. I want them to stop comparing me to my smarter older sister and I want them to know that my sister and I are both different and I cannot be like her. If I would run away now, then that would make 2 of 3 of the children of my parents. Does that mean that there's something wrong with the way my parents treat us? My older brother ran away years ago because my mother was never off his back because of school. I think I'm experiencing the same thing my brother went through. I have high grades at school but not high enough for my parents. Whenever I go out to hang out with my friends, they always have to know where I am, who I'm with and when I'll be back. And if I don't make the curfew, they'll ground me and say that I can no longer go out. I rarely leave the house because of this. I can't call anyone on the phone and when my parents notice me chatting with my friends on the internet, they'll ask me who I'm chatting with. They don't realize that the other people at school are far worse than me. They take drugs, get drunk and go out to parties at least once a week. Some even have sex with people they barely know. I get frustrated about the thought of this because it should be these people who should be grounded, not me. My parents keep jumping into conclusions. My mom thinks I talk to boys too much and my Dad refuses to believe that his youngest child is

Signed: Thoughts Of Suicide And Running Away

Dear Thoughts Of Suicide And Running Away,

TeenHealthFX does think that poor relationships between parents and their children can negatively influence mood and behavior. However, FX does not think it’s helpful to place blame on the parents or on the children – but rather to understand and help all involved to look at how they contribute to keeping the relationship the way it is, and to make positive changes based on that.

While FX thinks that is reasonable and caring for a parent to want to know where there child is going, who they are with, and what time they will be back when they go out – it sounds like there may be a quality in how they go about it that feels too critical or controlling to you. And if their high expectations leave you feeling like you can never be good enough for them, or if you feel they compare you to your sister rather than see you for who you are – that can certainly lead to problems with the relationship and with how you see yourself.

FX sincerely hopes that you will not consider suicide or running away. Both are terrible options, each in their own way – and there are other possibilities in terms of helping things to feel better. FX is unsure how old your brother is now and what his relationship is like with your parents currently. But if you feel he can be helpful, FX recommends that you ask him to speak to your parents about what is going on. It sounds like he can relate to how you are feeling and might be a good advocate for you in terms of helping your parents to understand that certain approaches they are taking with you are not going to help with the end goal they have in mind for you.

If your brother is not an option – or will only be the start of some help in this situation – FX recommends that you and your parents meet with a family therapist. A family therapist can help you and your parents to understand the problems in your relationships with one another, how each person contributes to those problems, and what each person needs to do differently to alter the relationships in a healthy way.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.

If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

While FX certainly hopes it does not get to this point, if you find that you are seriously considering running away, or you have run away, you can call the National Runaway Switchboard, 1-800-621-4000, 24 hours, 7days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX