TeenHealthFX - Answers - Absolutely Hate My First Name

Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem Issues / Question
Published: June 29, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

Hi I hope you can help me with a problem I've had for over 17 years =( Basically, I absolutely hate my first name. It's a name that most people have never ever heard of, it's hard to pronounce, and it's so embarassing (especially at the beginning of each school year when the teacher takes roll and they always mess my name up). I know I'm insecure and shy, and I'm pretty sure that part of the reason is because of my name. I really genuinely believe that i could be having more friends if I had a more normal name. I hate introducing myself or meeting new people because that means I have to say my name. I've even lied to some people and told them a different name because I'm so embarassed. I love my parents and all, but sometimes I get so frustrated with them for not thinking about the consequences of my name. Sometimes I even cry. My question is: should i just deal with it or should I like change it or something when i go off to college next year? What would people who already know me think of me if i decided to change it? Please please pleaseee reply back. I need your help =(

Signed: Absolutely Hate My First Name

Dear Absolutely Hate My First Name,

TeenHealthFX wonders if you have spoken to your parents about how you have been feeling over the years about your name. Do they know how much you dislike your name and how you feel embarrassed to tell other people what your name is? FX is curious what their reaction would be – would they want you to make whatever decision felt right to you in terms of your name, or would they be very hurt or upset to think that you would want to use a different name? And would how they feel about this affect what decision you made about it?

FX cannot advise you as to what to do about your first name – only you can know what the right decision for you is. You could work towards finding a way to appreciate and love your name – think about the meaning behind it, the specialness of the name in terms of it being so unique, and then work towards finding pride in the name. You could legally change your name – now, with the permission of your parents, or on your own when you turn 18. Or you could keep your name legally, but go by a nickname by everyone who knows you. When people ask your name, you wouldn’t have to tell them your legal name – just use your nickname. And if people find out your legal name, or get a hold of that name first, just explain that that is your legal name, but you would be prefer to be called _________. Which of these options you go with may depend on how you strongly you dislike your current name, how your parents will feel about a name change – and how you will feel about their reaction, whether the use of a nickname would be a sufficient change or you need a complete change, and more. FX suggests that you think about what would work best for you, maybe talking it over with your parents or another trusted adult – especially someone who knows what your real name is so they can get a full understanding of what it is you don’t like.

If you do decide to change your name, FX suggests that you not spend too much time worrying about what other people will think. People make all kinds of changes about themselves all the time – and you certainly would not be the first to change their name or to ask to go by a nickname. What is most important is that you like who you are, including your name. And whether this means coming to accept your given name or using an alternate name is up to you. But FX feels certain that as long as you like yourself and appreciate all of who you are – other people will, too.

Signed: TeenHealthFX