When Crushes Or Dating Gets Between Friends / Question
Published: November 3, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I'm a 13 year old girl. Okay, so my best friend is starting to make me really sad. Whenever she talks about her crush it makes me so sad because I knwo she's sad and I can't do anything to make her feel better! Then when I suggest she tries to get over him after five years, (they used to go out but they broke up)she just won't listen to me. There's tons of other guys who like her and will treat her good but she can't see that because she's focused on this one guy! It's not like he hates her, he just doesn't like her like that. I know it's hard in all to get over him, but can't she try? She really doesn't understand how much this hurts me! I try to help her and I do everything to make her happy, but I don't think she even notices. I write her poems and draw her pictures and I'm there for her when she's sad I try to be the best friend possible but she's still sad! I want to help so badly but I can't! And then it hurts even more knowing she has the memmories of him, and I don't have anything. No one has ever loved me. I just want a little attention. Does that sound greedy? Is it too mcuh to ask for? I'm so confused and I've just been crying all the time! I'd really like to know what to do. Any advice? Please help!
Signed: Sad To Hear My Best Friend Talking About Her Crush
Dear Sad To Hear My Best Friend Talking About Her Crush,
It sounds like your sadness is not just about feeling helpless that you can’t make her feel better, but that you are aware of her hurt and are trying to be supportive or her and are not experiencing her as being aware of your hurt and supportive of you. You see that she is sad over this relationship and want to be there for her in a caring way. But it sounds like you do not feel she sees your sadness about having not felt enough love and attention when it comes to dating – and because she has not seen this in you she has not been sensitive to it and has not tried to comfort you about it.
That said, rather than simply focusing on being there for your friend, FX thinks it is okay to ask her to be there for you. That is what a friendship is all about – being there for one another with love and support. Let your friend know that you have generally been feeling sad that you have not had enough love and attention from others in your life. And let her know that, while she probably didn’t even realize it or mean any harm from it, when she agonizes about her ex and ignores all the guys who do like her, it is painful for you to hear because you see her as lucky that all these people like her and that she has the memories of this relationship. It is important that you let your friend know where you are at with this – because she may have no idea. And that the two of you talk and come to an understanding about how you can both be there for one another.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Persons aged 15-24, who represent only 14% of the 
