Sibling Issues / Question
Published: November 3, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I'm 15 and I have a brother who is 19. When I was 12 he ran away from home and went to live with his friend outside the country and I didn't hear from him till he got back a couple days ago. Your site has mostly given me all the answers but I thought I should ask. The night he got home he and I slept in the same bed. We didn't do anything and he didn't do anything but kiss my cheek but I feel awkward about it. I just wanted to know if this was wrong?
Signed: Felt Strange About My Brother's Kiss
Dear Felt Strange About My Brother's Kiss,
There are certainly boundaries between appropriate and inappropriate touching between a brother and sister. Kissing on the lips, any kind of contact with the genitals or breast area, exposing the genitals or breast areas, caressing that feels sexual in any way – these would be some examples of touching that would be inappropriate for a brother and sister. A kiss on the cheek from a brother to a sister, however, is certainly within the norm of physical contact between siblings. While this type of contact is within the norm of a sibling relationship, FX can think of two things that may have added to your discomfort. For one, teens tend to need a certain amount of privacy and personal space, and it may have caused you great discomfort to be 15 and sharing a bed with your 19 year old brother. FX wonders why this was the arrangement and if this is something that will continue. If so, FX recommends that you speak with your parents and brother about coming up with alternate sleeping arrangements, as you and your brother sharing a bed at this age is not a healthy set-up.
The second thing that may have made you feel uncomfortable about his kiss, is having him now home and being loving towards you after skipping out three years ago. FX does not know how you felt about him running away – if you were scared for him, lonely without him, angry at leaving you home alone with your parents, confused about why he left, or whatever else. It might feel strange to have gone through various negative emotions and thoughts and to know have him suddenly back and being affectionate. If this is the case, FX recommends that you speak to your brother about it. Let him know how you felt at age 12 when he ran away from home, and what it is like for you to now suddenly have him back in the house and in your life. If you find that you need some time and space to adjust to his being home and to work through the feeling you have about him having left and now returning, FX thinks that it fine and feels that it would be helpful for you to talk to him about it.
If you find you have any further concerns about how he relates to you, or if anything else comes up that causes you worry about inappropriate touching, then FX recommends that you speak to your parents, a school counselor, or any other trusted adult. While there may be other reasons for your discomfort, it is also important to listen to your gut, tell your brother when you feel he is crossing a boundary in how he relates to you, and to let a trusted adult know if you feel something inappropriate is going on.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Teens whose parents talk to them regularly about the dangers of drugs are 42% less likely to use drugs than those whose parents don’t, yet only 1 in 4 teens report having these conversations. 
