ME & Relationships / Question
Published: November 10, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Hello. I have been dating my boyfriend for a while. I love him and we have never had any major problems. We get along really well and my friends and family all like him. There is just one problem. I am strangely attracted to his ex-girlfriend. She is a great role-model to look up to and I follow her example. We're friends, but I sometimes have this strange desire to be her best friend. Sometimes, I feel like I'm attracted to her in a different way-the same way im attracted to my boyfriend. This really causes a bunch of mixed feelings for me. I'm really confused and need your help. Could my strange attraction for this girl just be plain admiration or is it because I'm bi or something? I don't know and I need to find out! Thank you.
Signed: Attracted To Boyfriend's Ex
Dear Attracted To Boyfriend's Ex,
There are lots of possibilities about why you are feeling this way towards your boyfriend’s ex, and it is impossible for TeenHealthFX to know which reason, or combination of reasons, is the right one. There may be something about her that you admire and respect that simply makes you want to be close to her. There may be concern on your part about how your boyfriend felt about her when they were dating and how he feels about you – that could also make you want to be close to her or be like her in some way. You may have a sexual attraction to her – this could be a more isolated thing, that there is just something about her that raises sexual interest for you or it could mean that, in general, you can be attracted to both men and women.
FX suggests that as time progresses and you continue to sort through your feelings, you will come closer to understanding what this is about. If it helps, you might also consider speaking to your parents or another trusted adult about your feelings. Sometimes we can reach better understandings about things when we have someone else to listen to us and process things with.
FX also thinks that the most important thing for you right now is to know that how you are feeling is okay. Whether you simply admire this girl or whether you are sexually attracted to her – it is fine to just be where you are at right now and not analyze too much about what this means for your future (like whether you are bisexual or not). Your feelings are okay no matter what they are. And as long as you are careful not to let these feelings lead to any kind of action that may cause any hurt for you or your relationship (like, for example, if you were to become romantically involved with her behind your boyfriend’s back), you will be just fine.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Persons aged 15-24, who represent only 14% of the 
