TeenHealthFX thinks that it is important for you to meet with a mental health professional to discuss these dreams. The extent of violence in these dreams, the fact that they seem to be occurring fairly regularly, and your statement that you enjoy them all indicate that there is an emotional issue that needs to be addressed. FX cannot know what kind of underlying issue is present without knowing more about you and this situation – however, it is important for this underlying issue to be diagnosed and treated by a mental health professional so that these dreams will be eliminated and so that things do not progress to the point where fantasy becomes reality. In addition to addressing these dreams, it sounds like you are currently self-cutting – something else that would be important for a therapist to address with you.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
You can also contact the Self-Injury Hotline (information only, not a crisis line) at 1-800-DON’T-CUT, 1-800-366-8288.
If you get to the point that you are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.