Beyond The Point Of Confusion And Anger
Published: December 21, 2007
I am beyond the point of confusion, anger, crying, or a sense of hope. I am thirteen years old (Female) and right now I just want to know what the hel* is wrong w/ me! Almost all 7th grade I thought I had bad deppression but when I was researching more I found that even though I have ALL the symptoms of severe deppression, I have more of the out-take of someone with Bipolar. So I researched Bipolar and found that I have EVERY SINGLE SYMPTOM OF THAT TOO! So for the past year I have recognized that I have Bipolar, only when I was reading TeenHealthFX today, looking for people with my problems I heard about a disorder called Border-Line Personality Disorder and found that I have Alot or almost all of the symtoms of that! I JUST WANNA KNOW WHAT I HAVE!!! Before, when I thought I had deppression, I thought these things would pass or fade away, no need to tell anyone, ya know. I never had thoughts of cutting or suicide. . . . untill recently. About a month after 8th grade I had thoughts of cutting, but since I'm a little scared of pain caused by paper cuts or ravors I don't and never have cut. But I found an alternative, biting. That only happens in the scariest stages though and I've only had to do it seriously (Where it leaves a mark for 1 or two days after-the-fact) only two or three times. The thing that scares me most though, is that around 2 months ago, one day, I just had extreme thoughts of suicide. Jumping off the stairwell of my school. I don't know what caused it, or, if it was caused at all. Our bus was late and we were waiting for it to come and I was climbing on the side of the stair way. Then thoughts came into my mind, 'Why not climb to the top. . then jump of. Death INSTANTLY! No pain. No one would care!. . But people would know about you. . ' scary thoughts like those entered my brain and even scarier onse that I don't want to share. . I think the only thing that stopped me was that this kind of hyper kid was going around yelling random stuff at the kids from our bus.
Signed: Beyond The Point Of Confusion And Anger
Dear Beyond The Point Of Confusion And Anger,
The internet can be a wonderful source of information, however, TeenHealthFX cautions people to read about medical or mental health illnesses on the website and then play doctor in terms of diagnosing and treating themselves without consulting a medical or mental health professional. Medical and mental health professionals spend years in school learning how to properly diagnose and treat various disorders – and while a checklist can be a good place to start, formulating an accurate diagnosis is a complicated process that requires special knowledge and training.
If you are concerned that you have some symptoms of a mood disorder and personality disorder, and since you have had thoughts of self-harming and suicide, FX strongly recommends that you let a trusted adult know what has been going on with you so that a consultation can be scheduled with a mental health professional. You could talk to your parents, a counselor at school, a teacher, or your primary care physician about how you have been feeling so that they can arrange for you to be evaluated and properly diagnosed by a professional. Once you are given an accurate diagnosis, a treatment plan can then be put into place. It is not enough for you to “recognize” that you are dealing with a particular illness – it is equally important, if not more important, to do something about it. It may be recommended for you to participate in individual therapy, family therapy, medication management, or some combination of the three. FX understands that you are feeling beyond hope right now, however, if you get professional help for yourself, there is a great deal of hope that you can feel much better with time.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers.
If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.