I recently suffered from a terrible loss. My mother was killed in a car accident. Ever since, I've been able to hide my emotions, I mean, I haven't really felt sad about it, I came to realize how much of my life was dependent on my mother. Because I don't have her to lean on, I began cutting my wrists. It started as a practice to see if it would make me feel better, and when it did, I never stopped. My dad doesn't seem to notice any change in my behavior from the point when my mom was still alive. I want him to notice, I want him to know that I am in pain, but he just won't pay attention. He's always out drinking and staying out past midnight. He's like a teenager. I think he needed my mom, that's what kept him stable. I am a 15 year old female desperately needing help. I emailed you a few times, even though I didn't really expect an answer, it still would've been nice to have a little advice. Now... I think I need it more than ever, Please Help Me. I'm afraid I am going to do something really stupid very soon. I'm not ready to die, but I'm also not ready to get rid of the one thing holding me together...my razor. Please help. Signed: My Razor Blade
TeenHealthFX is so sorry to hear about your mother’s death. Dealing with the death of a parent is an extremely hard thing to endure – especially when you are feeling like you are all alone in coping with the pain. It sounds like your father is having a very hard time, himself, dealing with his feelings about losing his wife – which is making it very hard for him to be there for you.
Mourning a loved one can take time, and people can often find themselves going through different types of emotions as they grieve. It is possible that part of the reason you have wanted to “hide” your emotions about your mother’s death is that to connect to the feelings of loss, anger and sadness about losing her would be too painful. At some point, when you feel ready, FX does think it would be helpful for you to meet with a therapist individually, or to meet with a support group, where you can begin to work through your feelings of loss.
FX also thinks that it would be very helpful for you to expand your support system right now so that you have different people whom you can go to and lean on during such a difficult time. Here are some ways to do that:
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.