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Best Friend's Ex Was Threatening And Abusive

Published: February 22, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
My best friend recently told me that one of her ex boyfriends did something bad to her. Through the computer and cellphones, he told her to send her pictures of her cutting herself. He said he would kill himself if she didn't let him rape her and make wounds over her skin. I am slightly attracted to this friend and when she said this i thought i was going to be sick! I'm a 13 yo girl that needs a solution to help her through it. signed-attracted and worried
Signed: Best Friend's Ex Was Threatening And Abusive

Dear Best Friend's Ex Was Threatening And Abusive,

 

TeenHealthFX is very concerned about your friend, and extremely worried about what is going on with her ex. FX thinks that you need to strongly encourage your friend not to give into what her ex wants, and to tell a trusted adult about this as soon as possible. If your friend refuses to talk to an adult about this, then let her know that you will. Your friend (or you) can speak to her parents, your parents, a counselor or teacher at school, a private therapist, or anyone else who can be trusted to intervene in a helpful way that will ensure your friend’s safety. Your friend needs to be protected, and her ex needs to get help for himself to deal with these problematic behaviors and requests before he hurts himself or someone else. Remember that an adult does need to be the one to intervene – do not try and deal with your friend and this situation all by yourself.

 

Your attraction to this friend is a different matter. It is up to you whether you want to talk to her about this or not. If you are attracted to her, but she sees you as a friend, it might create some awkwardness or tension if you were to tell her. However, you may feel a greater sense of tension if you keep it in – only you can know what is best for you and the relationship. However, FX does recommend that you wait until this issue with her ex has passed before you consider discussing your attraction to her. She will need your support and your shoulder to lean on right now – letting her know about your attraction puts another thing out there for her to think about and deal with. And it sounds like right now she has her hands full.

 

If your friend lives in New Jersey she can also contact JBWS (Jersey Battered Women’s Services) at 973-267-4763. This phone number is a 24 hour confidential helpline. For more information, including links to other helpful websites, visit: www.jbws.org. Outside of New Jersey she can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), 1-800-787-3224 (TTY line for deaf callers), 24 hours, 7 days a week.

 

If your friend lives in northern New Jersey and needs help finding a therapist she can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area she can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in her area. She can also contact her insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with her school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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