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Haven't Told Anyone About Delusions

Published: December 5, 2002
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Well here it goes I haven't told anybody this because I would seem insane. I used marijuana grade 6 through until 9 and done everything but heroin. I've had very many things happen to me and I know I'm crazy. I've had a 5 month delusion that when I walked around at night this blinking light was in fact a ufo. A year later I was on crystal meth and was walking on this field and I saw this light right above me and then I was walking into my house and have no clue what happened. I can't walk at night without looking behind my every few seconds. I've had sick fantasies about being a serial killer but that stopped when I quit smoking pot. I think very odd and sick things and laugh at inappropriate times. I can't stop seeing weird things. Objects will warp and move constantly. I believed I had a brain tumor and was dying. I worship death and believe Hitler was a genious. Recently I've been cutting myself and have a new job. People at my work say I look dead like there is something wrong with me; I have poor social skills due to this. In public I act fairly normal and when I get out of public the real me comes out. Its like their is 2 of me and I can choose which one I am. My best friend says I have weird moods, sometimes I'm talkative sometimes I'm quiet and sometimes I'm just plain weird and he doesn't know what to expect every time he talks with me. I am 16 years old and am out of due because I just can't concentrate to do anything educational. When I was using marijuana about a year ago I would walk across the city at 4 in the morning to buy some marijuana because I slept all day and was up all night with nothing to do. I thought I was in danger and always walked at night with a large hunting knife in my sleeve. This isn't one of those questions that xxxholes do to annoy you. I've only listed a smart part of information. What should I do and who should I talk to? And do you in fact think I'm crazy. I'm sorry this is so long.
Signed: Haven't Told Anyone About Delusions

Dear Haven't Told Anyone About Delusions,

 

TeenHealthFX is very concerned about you. Although we cannot diagnose you over the Internet, it seems that you are suffering from numerous ailments that are either caused by your extensive drug use or exasperated by it. There is also a lot of information in a short paragraph, which makes TeenHealthFX wonder if you struggle with your thoughts racing through your mind on a regular basis. In any case it is good that you recognize that you need help. You seem to be aware that walking around at 4 in the morning, looking to buy marijuana with a knife up your sleeve is dangerous. Carrying a weapon, while experiencing any altered state of reality could lead to a tragedy.

 

The first thing you need to do is abstain from all drugs. One they do not help, and second it is very difficult to make a psychiatric diagnosis or rule one out if you are abusing substances. The delusions and hallucinations could be caused your drug use or could be organic in nature, only when you are drug free for a while can an accurate diagnosis be made. Just so you know there are programs out there that combines substance abuse treatment with treatment for psychiatric disorders (they are generally referred to as "dual diagnosis" or MICA programs).

 

You do not mention anything about your parents. If you can let them know how serious the situation is and tell them you need help. Family support can be an important component of successful treatment. If your parent(s) or guardian(s) are not available, find an adult you trust and ask them to help. In addition, many treatment programs will have you join groups like Narcotics Anonymous. In these groups, other people who share similar addictions and experiences with you provide support and advice - this tends to be helpful because they have been there before and know how hard it is to make the initial decision to quit and then to stick with it. These groups stress the fact that recovery does not stop with just being clean. Without drugs you will probably come face-to-face with feelings that you have never coped with successfully before.

 

If you live in northern New Jersey and would like help finding a treatment program you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888.247.1400, to set up an appointment.

 

If you feel that you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else, or you feel like your life has become too difficult to handle, please seek immediate assistance. If you live in Northern New Jersey, call the 24-hour CRISIS HOTLINE at (973)-540-0100. If you live outside Northern New Jersey, call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline at 1.800.999.9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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