Bookmark and Share

Coworker Attempted To Assault Me

Published: October 29, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I have a huge crush on my coworker but never encouraged myself or my feelings because he has a girlfriend. After about a year of working together he attempted to assault me. I got away. I feel so angry and confused. I don't know what to do. I don't want to start trouble and I'm not sure if I want to give up my job. Plus, I'm scared that something worse will happen if I say something. What's really making me crazy is that I feel like I'm in denial. I still like him (or at least I think i do)and never in my wildest dreams did I know this would happen for real. But it wasn't what I wanted. At first I was happy because I thought he liked me too. But I was wrong. I'm stuck...I don't know what to do.
Signed: Coworker Attempted To Assault Me

Dear Coworker Attempted To Assault Me,

 

For the purpose of this response, TeenHealthFX is going to go on the assumption that by “assault” you mean sexually assault. FX would first like to point out that very often people do not expect that someone they know would try to assault them. But the fact is that very often people are assaulted by someone who is close to them. It could be someone like a friend, date, family member, or neighbor – a person who has spent some time building up trust and then violates that trust in the most terrible way.

 

FX would also like to note that very often people mistake abusive behaviors in a partner as being caring in nature. For example, if a person is given a cell phone by their significant other and constantly has to have check-ins to report whereabouts or who they are with – some people will see this as their significant other just being protective and caring. But the fact is that this kind of behavior is abusive and is about power and control, not about being caring. So, in liking him, it possible that you saw some of your coworkers’ behaviors towards you as caring when, in fact, they were about something else altogether.   

 

FX can understand that you would feel angry about what happened to you and thinks that it is very important for you to take some kind of action. Whether you want to report his behavior to your manager, get a new job, or whatever else – it is important that you not stay in a situation where it could happen again and where he can feel like he got away with such terrible behavior. But doing nothing he has the power of feeling like he got away with it and may think he can get away with it again. FX understands that you do not want to make things worse by making an issue of it – but it is important that you speak to someone who can give you guidance about how to handle the situation in a way where he has to face some consequence for what he did and where you are safe from any further harm.

 

If you find you continue to be attracted to this person despite his attempt to assault you, FX thinks that it would be helpful for you to speak with a therapist about it. FX hopes that all of our readers are able to establish healthy, loving dating relationships. But if you see tendencies in yourself that may draw you towards people who are abusive or hurtful in nature, you may want to discuss this with a mental health professional. FX would like to stress that you are not responsible if a person abuses you in any way, but if you find you are attracted to people who are abusive rather than loving, it is something to look at.

 

For further help and information, talk to a parent, school counselor or any other trusted adult. And consider contacting the following:

 

 

  • For more information on understanding what sexual assault, preventative measures that can be taken, and where to go for help, go to the following link provided by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: womenshealth.gov Violence Against Women: Sexual assault and abuse.
  • The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), 24 hours, 7days a week or visit www.rainn.org.
  • The Crime Victim Hotline at 1-800-242-0804, 24 hours, 7 days a week. Help if you have been a victim of a crime.
  • The National Center For Victims Of Crime has a Dating Violence Resource Center where you can find helpful information and resources. You can go to the following link for more information:
  • http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbID=DB_DatingViolenceResourceCenter101
  • If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
Signed: TeenHealthFX

Ratings