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My Dad Lost His Job

Published: November 10, 2006
Dear TeenHealthFX,

 

I am 14. Around 2 years ago my dad lost his job. My dad was around 300 pounds and after he lost his job we both started working out together. We formed a strong bond and I think of that time we had as the best time of my life. Of course my dad found a new job and he had to move away to another state for a while, as me and my mother and siblings were trying to sell our house. Eventually we did and moved with my dad. A few months after my dad lost his job once more. I wasn't worried because I trust my dad with all my heart. He had to move to another job and leave my family here. During the past year since he lost his job the second time, I have been having bad emotional problems. I am moody and grouchy and rarely ever sleep. When I get upset or distraught I find myself poking sharp objects into my arms and liking the feeling of physical pain I get. I am also rather lonely as I am home schooled and the only interaction I have is with two online friends who I cherish. I also have feelings of rage towards my younger siblings. I never hurt them but I do yell a lot at them. I try not to be mean but my comments to my mother and siblings are bitter. I also have a very bad self esteem. And as I have been reading over your site I hear that is natural in my point of adolescence. Recently I spoke of my feelings towards my parents. Hoping that would help. But to me it doesn’t seem like our understanding of each other has improved and my dad cannot really help if he is 1000 miles away. I'm under a lot of stress with trying to keep my grades up but failing because I don't sleep for up to 10 days at a time. I am under stress because we are moving once more and my dad is gone and I feel my mother does not understand me at all. So really there are several problems. And I tried to make them understandable but I will write my problems here just in case they were not. I am overly stressed out on a variety of things. And I don’t want to be anymore. I feel alone and hated.

Signed: My Dad Lost His Job

Dear My Dad Lost His Job,

 

TeenHealthFX can definitely appreciate the stress of your current situation. To be constantly moving, to be home-schooled and feeling like you are getting enough social interactions with peers, to have the stress of a parent being in and out of work, and to feel misunderstood by your parents about what you are going through are all very tough situations to be in. FX is glad that you took the initiative to talk to your parents about how you are feeling, and has some other thoughts about things that you might find helpful to you in this situation:

 

  • It is wonderful that you expressed your feelings to your parents. But in addition to that, especially if you have not done so already, FX would also recommend that you think about some specific ways in which each of your parents could be helpful to you in terms of reducing your stress levels – and to let each of them know what those particular things are that they could be doing to be helpful to you.

 

  • Speak to your parents about attending the local public school after you move rather than being home-schooled. Not only would this give you a chance to be around your peers and to socialize more, most schools have counselors, social workers, and/or psychologists on staff who could be a source of support and guidance to you and your family during these difficult times.

 

  • Speak with your parents about scheduling a consultation with a mental health professional who can help you develop ways in which to better deal with your stress and rage, as well as the situations contributing to those feelings. Whether you seek out this consultation now or after you move depends on how soon you are moving and how badly you are currently feeling.

 

  • Try and find some outlets for your stress and anger that work for you, such as exercise, journaling, talking with someone about your feelings, artwork, music, or whatever else works for you. You might also consider forming a daily routine of using relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, yoga, and/or the use of imagery techniques.

 

  • Since it sounds from what you wrote like you can get easily down on yourself, FX also thinks that it is very important for you to remind yourself daily of the wonderful strengths and admirable qualities that we know you have. Whether you make a mental note to yourself or even keep a list somewhere or your positive traits that you look at each day, it is important for you to be constantly reminded of the parts of yourself that you can rely on to get you through this.

 

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.

 

If you need immediate assistance, you can also contact the Youth Crisis Hotline, 1-800-448-4663, 24 hours, 7 days a week – this hotline is for people 17 years of age or younger who are in crisis.

 

 

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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