TeenHealthFX can understand why you are feeling so sad and fed up. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of chaotic situations where you are feeling like you do not have enough control or an adequate feeling of connectedness to those around you. FX is sorry to hear that you are caught in the middle of your parents’ fights, whether they make you the messenger or whether they are not there for emotionally (like when you tell them you are feeling sad or suicidal). As your parents, they do have certain responsibilities to you, including not dumping their personal relationship problems on you and being there for you to get you the help you need when you are feeling in emotional turmoil.
FX thinks that it would be ideal for the three of you to be in family therapy together. A family therapist could help your parents deal with their conflicts in a way that does not involve you, and could work with them on being there for you in a more loving and supportive way. You could talk to your parents about the idea, or speak to a school counselor about this so that the counselor can advocate for family therapy to your parents on your behalf.
If family therapy is not possible, for whatever reason, FX thinks that it is important for you to meet with a therapist for individual therapy. Again, it would be ideal for all three of you to be meeting together, but if they are unwilling to participate it doesn’t mean you can’t get your own help. In individual therapy you could learn how to deal better with your parents’ fights, how not to let yourself get pulled into the middle, and how to respond in a healthy way to either of your parents if they act in a hurtful or dismissive way for you. Since you mention wanting to cut and being on the verge of an eating disorder, FX also thinks it is important for a therapist to help you develop healthier coping skills, as well as to help you achieve a greater sense of control and empowerment in your life.
FX sincerely hopes that you will reach out for help with this, and that you will not continue to suffer in silence or resort to suicide. There are people out there who genuinely care and who will be more than willing to be there for you with guidance and support through this. FX also wants you to remember that your life does not have to be chaotic forever. One day you will be on your own with your own home and your own family, and you can make your home and life to be however you want it to be – so do not give up!
If you live in northern
If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern