I am a 12 year old girl. Every day I feel like I am hurting inside. The only time I am happy is with my friends. I used to love riding my horse and now I dread the thought of even seeing him. I have been thinking about suicide and cutting myself, but I won't let it get that far. My parents are divorced and I haven't talked to my dad in years. I can't tell my mom, because every time I try to talk to her she gets mad and yells at me, and that only makes the pain worse. It seems like all I ever do is cry. I can't fall asleep at night and I have been eating much more than usual. I always used to be the overly happy person that everyone thought was crazy because I smiled so much. I just can't smile anymore. I have really been fighting the urge to cut myself or hang myself or Overdose on something. I truly want to die. Please help. Your website has helped me a lot in the past.
TeenHealthFX is very concerned about how you have been feeling. You described many of the symptoms associated with a significant depression. Frequent crying spells, trouble sleeping and eating, thoughts of harming yourself and not finding pleasure in things you used to enjoy. Add to that the isolation you must feel from not being able to communicate with your mother and you are left in an extremely fragile emotional state. It is critical that you reach out to a responsible adult in your life and let them know what is going on. You should start with your mother even though she has responded in the past with anger; she may not have comprehended the seriousness of the situation. Show her the letter you have written to TeenHealthFX and our response. Once she realizes the gravity of the situation, hopefully she will take action. If she does not get it, then find a responsible adult in your life and let them know that you need help. This could be a relative, a neighbor or someone at your school. Telling a friend is not good enough, it has to be someone who has the capacity to get you the help you need.
No matter how bad you feel or how dark your world seems right now, things can and do change with the proper help and treatment. The worst thing is to retreat into yourself and not reach out. You would be amazed at the amount people out there who would gladly be willing to help.
If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Atlantic Health at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week
If you live in northern