I feel like I complicated everything with my ex. I broke up with him 8 months ago because even though I still really liked him, he didn't treat me well as a girlfriend. I went three months without contacting him or seeing him, kept myself busy to get my mind off him, everything to get over him. We still wanted to be friends so we started hanging out again this semester. Didn't turn out well, because we started having sex with each other. Before we even decided that we were going to have sex, he made sure that I knew we weren't going to get back together because he didn’t want me to get hurt. I said I was cool with that to be just friends who have sex with each other. About three weeks ago when school ended, he said some pretty hurtful things to me so we parted on a really bad note. I KNOW he's not right for me. I know he doesn’t romantically like me, he sleeps with one other girl at the same time as me, and hurts me emotionally so much. SO my question is: why can't I get over him?? I still like him, I’m still so attached to him even though he's so hurtful! I feel so pathetic because I know I deserve so much better :(
You are not pathetic and you are right you deserve much better. Ending a relationship can be very much like experiencing a loss. You go through stages and sometimes you take one step forward and two steps backwards. The key is that you keep going until you get to a place where you are okay.
The relationship that leads you to believe that you really liked him in the first place is gone and has been for a long time. Many women continue to hold on to bad relationships because they that love will change the person or if they help their boyfriends solve his problems then he will show love in return. The reality is the problem is his and until he recognizes it the abuse will only continue or get worse. He made the claim he didn’t want to hurt you but then turned around and said some mean and hurtful things. Even though you are not in a dating relationship, it does not justify his behavior.
It seems you still have some feelings for this person so the “friends with benefits” arrangement will most likely lead to you getting hurt again. I would be important for you to understand why you are willing to give him second chances despite his past behavior. This is a dilemma for many young women and sometimes the answer takes a bit of digging. This is why TeenHealthFX thinks it would be a good idea to seek out a therapist and gain some insight as to why this happens. You do deserve much better and with a little better understanding of yourself you will begin to settle for nothing less.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.