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Crying After My First Time With Sex

Published: January 12, 2006
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am a 13 year old girl and i recently had sex for the first time with a 16 year old boy and after we were done i just started crying and i couldn't stop the tears just kept on goingi finally stopped crying when he was driving me home so my parents wouldn't find out what i had did. I thought that the sick feeling in my stomach would be gone when i woke up in the morning but it wasn't and i was even sadder than i was before even though i didn't cry i really felt horriabla and i still do. Is there something wrong with me for feeling this way and what do i do now because i can't even look at him.
Signed: Crying After My First Time With Sex

Dear Crying After My First Time With Sex,

 

Having sex with another person is a very intimate act, often accompanied with strong emotions and feelings for people of any age. FX does not think that there is anything “wrong” with how you are feeling, but can certainly understand the intensity of your reaction to your first time with sex since 13 is a very young age to be sexually active. From the reaction you described, it sounds like you were not ready to take this step, and that the experience was very sad and possibly even scary for you.

 

Teens today hear a lot of information about being responsible when it comes to being sexually active in terms of preventing unwanted pregnancies or the transmission of STDs. But it is equally important to consider emotional readiness for sex – feeling certain that you are ready to take this very big step with another person, as well as feeling capable of handling the intense emotions that go along with being physically intimate with someone.

 

TeenHealthFX definitely recommends that you wait at least a few years before having sex again. When you are a little older, and possibly feeling ready to have sex again, take some time to think about why you want to have sex and if you are truly feeling ready. Consider who you are choosing to have sex with, why it is important for you to have sex, if you are ready to handle the responsibilities regarding birth control and STDs, and if you are feeling okay about being open and honest with your partner about your feelings regarding sexual readiness.

 

From your email, FX is unsure as to the nature of your relationship with this 16 year old. It might make you feel better to simply let him know where you are at with the situation – that you realized you were not ready to be sexually active and that you will probably not feel ready any time soon. FX also hopes that you try not to feel too horrible and that you don’t beat yourself up about your decision. The nice thing about the future is that it can be a blank slate for all kinds of new and healthier choices – try and use this experience in a positive way in terms of helping you to feel clearer about what choices will work best for you in the future when it comes to dating relationships and having sex.

 

Since FX does not know whether or not you used protection, we do recommend that you meet with your physician or gynecologist for a check-up, as well as to discuss any concerns or feelings you are having about your first time with sex. FX also recommends meeting with your physician in the future to discuss safe sex precautions for when you are feeling ready to be sexually active.

 

If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973.971.6475 for an appointment or contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood. You can also contact Girl’s Street – A Young Woman’s Health Program – at 908.522.2555.

 

 

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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