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Best Friend/Ex-Boyfriend Wants To Have Sex

Published: May 31, 2012
Dear Best Friend/Ex-Boyfriend Wants To Have Sex,

I'm 14 and my best friend/Ex-boyfriend wants to have sex with me but I'm not really sure about it and I dont want thing to be weird between us. What should I do.


Dear Best Friend/Ex-Boyfriend Wants To Have Sex,

If you are not 100% sure about having sex, then TeenHealthFX thinks that it is very important that you don’t have sex right now. The fact that you are ambivalent about it means that you are not truly ready.

There may be several reasons you are unsure about this. Here are some of the concerns FX has:

  • 14 is very young to be sexually active. There is still so much growing and development to be done emotionally, socially, and even cognitively before a person is truly ready to handle all of the responsibilities and emotions that go along with being sexually active.
  • You are not currently in a dating relationship with this person. Ideally, sex should be something that occurs between two people who love each other and care about each other very much. You may care about this person in that he is your best friend, but if you are not currently dating there is obviously a romantic element that is not there right now for the two of you. It leaves FX wondering if this is more about experimenting with sex than about two people connecting in a loving, intimate way.
  • Given that you aren’t dating, how will sex affect your friendship? FX has concerns about what will happen to your friendship with one another if you do have sex. Especially if you are not 100% ready – you may end up resenting him on some level.

There are many things to consider when it comes to sexual readiness. Our answer to Want To Have Sex, But Not Sure If I’m Ready poses several important questions that may help you decide if you are truly ready (you can use these questions now and down the road when you are faced with this decision again). You can also ask yourself the following:

  • Are you ready to talk to your doctor about how to protect yourself from unwanted pregnancies and the transmission of STDs?
  • Are you prepared to deal with a situation where you get pregnant or may have an STD?  
  • What is your vision for your first time in terms of how old you will be, where you will be in your life (i.e., married, engaged, etc.), and who your partner will be (i.e., long-time boyfriend, fiancé, husband, etc.)?
  • How will you feel if your relationship ends or changes after you have sex?

 

Again, the fact that you are even questioning whether you should be doing this suggests to FX that you are not ready and that this is something your friend wants more than you do. Please don’t feel badly about asserting how you feel. If this person is truly a good friend he should absolutely respect your feelings about it and not push or pressure you into doing something that isn’t right for you.

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