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Feel Like A Square Because I'm Still A Virgin

Published: January 19, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am a 17 year old boy and I have never had a girlfriend or even lost my virginity yet. I have plenty of friends that are girls and they tell me I'm cute but they just want to be friends. But i feel like such a loser and a square because all of my friends aren't virgins and have had their first kiss. Normally this hasn't worried me but lately I feel so empty I have become very addicted to pornography and masturbating it feels like it is the only thing that makes feel good. Sometimes I even like to think I'm gay to make up for not having kissed a girl but I know I am not. I feel so bad because masturbating and fantasizing are the only things that keep me from the pain of not having kissed a girl. Is this the right way to handle my problems? I feel to embarassed to talk about them.
Signed: Feel Like A Square Because I'm Still A Virgin

Dear Feel Like A Square Because I'm Still A Virgin,

 

In no way does TeenHealthFX see you as a “loser” or “square” because you have never had a girlfriend and because you are still a virgin. It may not feel like it in your particular social circle, but know that that for teens in general, it is very common for a 17 year old to not have had a significant other yet and to not have lost their virginity. Not having had these experiences yet does not automatically make you gay, it does not make you a bad person, it does not make you an unlovable person, and it does not make you someone that some girl one day would not love to date and be intimate with.

 

FX can appreciate why pornography and masturbating has become such a big part of your life since it sounds like it is hard to feel good about yourself in this area. But keep reminding yourself that you sound to FX like a perfectly normal, likeable teen whose time has simply not come yet. But before long it will come – and when the time comes, that girl will be a lucky one because she’ll be with someone who will truly appreciate what he has.

 

If you find that you continue to have trouble coping with this issue, considering speaking to a counselor at school or a private therapist. FX thinks that you sound like a perfectly normal teen when it comes to the dating department – but if you continue to feel so horribly about yourself, it might be helpful to get some support and guidance from someone in how to deal with those negative feelings.

 

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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