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Sad And Emotional After Sex

Published: 14 July 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I love my boyfriend very much, but after having sex I get extremely sad and emotional. I'm always upset usually between an hour or a couple hours after. I can't think of any reasons why; my boyfriend and I are very happy together. I just don't understand why I react this way. Thank you for reading, I hope you respond.
Signed: Sad And Emotional After Sex

Dear Sad And Emotional After Sex,

 

There are many possibilities as to why you feel sad and emotional after having sex. It is possible that you are not feeling truly emotionally ready to be physically intimate with your boyfriend, or with anyone for that matter. Even though you love him and are happy about him, you just may not be ready for this big step. FX recommends that you take some time to really think about whether or not you are comfortable being in a sexual relationship with your boyfriend or if maybe you would feel more comfortable slowing things down when it comes to the sexual side of your relationship.

 

Another reason some people experience sadness after a sexual experience is when the act of sex kicks up old feelings that have nothing to do with the person you are with or the current situation. For example, people who have been raped or sexually abused as children often find sex is difficult because they are reminded of the time they were sexually violated. In addition, people who do not feel they have had close and loving relationships throughout their lives (especially with parents and other family members) may find that feelings of sadness, pain and loneliness come up after sex. The act of sex is a very close and intimate thing – and it can remind people of times in their lives that they have not felt close to others or cared by others. It may sound a little odd, but it does happen to some people.

 

TeenHealthFX is wondering if it might be helpful for you to speak with someone about how you are feeling so you can come to a better understanding of where your sadness is coming from – since there are several possibilities. You could speak with a parent, extended family member, school counselor or a private therapist – whoever feels most comfortable for you.

 

And please remember – in addition to looking after your emotions when it comes to sexual relationships, it is also important to make sure you are protecting your body against unwanted pregnancies and the transmission of STDs by practicing safer sex.

 

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company for a list of in-network providers.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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