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Confused With My Sexual Orientation

Published: 10 March 2010
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Im am a 17 year old girl and I am really confused with my sexual orientation. I think I might be Bi-Sexual and although Im not 100% sure i hate myself for it, I am getting increasinly frustrated at myself and I end up taking it out on others. I refuse to belive that I am but the feelings I have when I look at some other females contradicts this and tells me I must be but I know I like males aswell but that doesnt chage how i feel about myself! I feel as if im isolating myself from my friends and am feeling more angry and down than ever before! I am really confused and its getting to the stage where i dont want to look at myself anymore but im am too scared to tell anybody because im scared of thier reactions, i mean how can I expect anybody to accept me if I can't accept myself. But I think i might benefit if I get it off my mind? What do you think I should do, should I talk to someone or should i assume its a phase and just relax to see if it passes? Please anwser this I really need some guidance because I'm going crazy here! Thanks.
Signed: Confused With My Sexual Orientation

Dear Confused With My Sexual Orientation,

 

Feeling confused about your sexuality can be very difficult and frightening. It is completely normal to have hetero- and homosexual feelings, especially as a teenager when learning about sexuality becomes an important issue. Teenagers commonly feel attracted to their own sex as well as the opposite sex.  This does not definitely mean they are gay or straight or bisexual.  You are going through a time in your life where you are learning what feels most comfortable and who you are attracted to.

 

TeenHealthFX is worried that you are being so hard on yourself over this issue to the point that it is having a major impact on your life and causes you to attack your own self worth. Because you are afraid to talk to others, since you fear how they will respond, it leaves you feeling isolated and alone with your thoughts. You are absolutely right that you need to accept who you are in order to be comfortable with yourself. This is true for everybody no matter what the issue is.

 

TeenHealthFX thinks that it would be a really good idea for you to talk to someone since this issue is causing you so much distress. Seeing a therapist will give you a safe confidential place to discuss your worries and fears without the worry of being judged. The confusion and anxiety you feel about having sexual feelings towards women seems to stem from fear that possibly being bisexual is wrong.  Being bisexual, bi curious or homosexual is neither right nor wrong - it simply is being sexually attracted to a particular sex or both.  There is no right or wrong attraction.

 

If you check out our section on “Sexuality: Gay, Straight & Bisexual,”  you will find other young people struggle with the same issue.

 

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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