Interested In A Shy Guy - Should I Make The First Move?

Published: November 13, 2013
Dear Interested In A Shy Guy - Should I Make The First Move?,

I'm a 17 y.o. girl and a senior. There's this guy I really like and it's so obvious he likes me (like, he's been so very close to saying so on several occasions). But he's really, really shy and won't ask me out. We've known each other for about two years, but didn't really start hitting it off and actively kind of flirting with each other until about two months ago. We've been good friends and we just get each other. He's so shy. It's taken me a long time to get him to open up to talking about more than just one or two select topics. Every time we talk, we make progress, in terms of a relationship...but we're graduating next May. I don't want to pressure him and lose him, but neither do I want us to separate because I know graduation will stick an awkward wall between us. Advice?

Dear Interested In A Shy Guy - Should I Make The First Move?,

It sounds like you are definitely interested in moving beyond a friendship with this guy and that you feel pretty sure he feels the same way – but that the only obstacle is he may not make the first move given how incredibly shy he is.

If this is what you want, FX would say go for it and make the first move. Depending on what you’re comfortable with and what you think would be best given how shy he is, you could:

  • Directly put it out there and let him know that you are interested in being more than friends.
  • Ask him out to do something that would definitely feel date-ish and then see where things go from there.
  • Make a comment about how it would be great for the two of you to do something on your own together and see if he gets the hint and asks you out.  

It can be a lot of pressure for guys to generally be the ones to make the first move and the fact is that some guys are so shy this becomes really hard for them. It sounds like you have more to gain than lose given how you feel and it how it seems he feels – so FX supports you in going after what you want and what feels right to you.

If you find you still have questions or concerns about how to approach the situation, FX recommends talking to a trusted adult about it. You could check in with a parent, extended family member, parent of a friend, teacher, school counselor or anyone else who you think could give you some guidance and support.