Sexual Assault & Rape / Question
Published: January 9, 2002
Dear TeenHealthFX,
In 2000 I was raped by my stepfather. My mother found out because I told a friend that I thought I could trust. She went and told the school counselor on me. I thank her for that. But, my father, and the rest of my family doesn't know. After the cops got involved, and I had to go to the prosecutor's office and make a statement I got scared on what would happen when my mother spoke to him. When she did, he denied it. He tells me that it was something that we both wanted, and it scares me. But the thing that hurts me the most, is that I was forced to go to the cops, and tell them I lied about it all. My excuse was that I didn't like the way he treated my mother. And I don't like the way he treats her. But I would never lie about something as serious this. To say the least.... My mother is still with him... He got me pregnant, I had a miscarriage.... He still does it... I told my mom one other time that he still tries stuff on me and she still didn't do anything. It hurts me to lie to my father this whole time. What can I do to prevent this from happening any longer w/o putting my mother through so much, and myself through so much? How can I get him out of my life? I lie to my boyfriend everyday, and I tell him that he hasn't tried anything. But, I lied. The other night he tried getting me to have sex w/ him by getting me to take $200. HELP!!
Signed: Nervous To Tell
Dear Nervous To Tell,
This whole situation must be very difficult and scary for you. The one important thing that you must remember is that you did not do anything wrong. It must be painful that your mother was not able to be supportive of you. For whatever reason, she has blinded herself to the truth. Your stepfather did not even deny it; he put the blame on you, which is absurd.
Going to the authorities and reporting that a family member has sexually abused you is a very difficult thing to do. Many victims start to worry about the impact on the family and start to feel guilty that they are going to cause problems. It is not uncommon for a victim to change his/her story as a way of protecting the family or to spare him or herself the anguish of not being believed.
The reality here is that your stepfather is the one who is causing the suffering and he avoids all responsibility. He will continue to try and take advantage of you until you speak up. The only way to stop him is to ask for help. If your mother does not want to listen, then tell your father, a family member or the counselor who was involved before. If you do not feel that you are getting the support you can call Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network (RAINN) 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673) they will provide you with whatever assistance you need. If you live in
There is a strong possibility that the authorities will get involved again and try to make a case against your stepfather. If this causes problems in the family it is because of what he has done and not because of you. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty, because you are the one who is being hurt here. Your silence only serves to protect this man. Remember, you have one thing on your side that he does not have, the truth.
You will also need to get into counseling so you can start to work on the feelings that have been created because of this whole ordeal. Being sexually assaulted can cause a tremendous amount of emotional trauma and pain. A therapist trained in treating victims of abuse can help you sort out your feelings and assist you in putting your life back together.
TeenHealthFX strongly encourages you not to suffer in silence. Your safety and well-being are extremely important and it is vital for you to speak up and ask for help.
If we can help you in any further way please do not hesitate to write back.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
It is estimated that major depressive disorder (MDD) affects about 5% of adolescents, and that between 10 - 15% of adolescents have some symptoms of depression at any one time.
