TeenHealthFX - Answers - Feel Insignificant Sometimes

Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem Issues / Question
Published: February 13, 2003

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I feel so insignificant sometimes. People tell me I am really smart but I can never concentrate on my schoolwork, and I usually get a low mark. Some people who don't know me as well think I am stupid for that though, and they call me stupid. I think my father is really disapointed in me. My younger brother gets better grades and is more athletic, he also has more friends than me (I have almost no friends) and with the rate growing he is probably going to be taller and stronger than me soon to. I know petty competition is stupid, but for a guy's younger brother to be stronger than him, it is very embarrassing. I think my parents are proud of him, and I think they aren't very proud of me at all. I feel like I have no talents. I do have talents, but I am not as passionate and devoted to them as others are passionate and devoted to their's. What should I or can I do to become better and feel better about myself?

Signed: Feel Insignificant Sometimes

Dear Feel Insignificant Sometimes,

TeenHealthFX can tell from your question that you are dealing with a lot right now. You are right that competition is not always the best thing, but it can sometimes be hard not to feel competitive with others, especially those that live with us. Also, feeling as though your parents are not proud of you is very painful (for anyone). We are glad to hear that you recognize that you do have talents.

TeenHealthFX wants you to know that there lots of things for you to do to help you to feel better. Here are some suggestions:

Talk to your parents if you can, let them know how you are feeling. Try to be as specific as possible about what you feel and how you feel they convey that they are not proud of you. It may be a situation where there is miscommunication.

Make a list of things that you enjoy doing, and then try to spend time doing that activity, it does not matter how well you do them, just as long as you enjoy it.

Make sure to get enough sleep, healthy food, and exercise; this will help you feel better physically.

Check out our answer to Modeling and Low Self Esteem. It offers tips on building self-esteem.

You are not alone, lots of teens go through periods (short or long) where they question what goes on around them and what role they play in the lives of others. If you continue to be concerned about yourself after trying out our suggestions then seeking out more support, like a teacher or guidance counselor is a good idea. Also, a trained therapist can help you work through some of the issues that you are dealing with. If you live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Access Center for Behavioral Health at (888) 247.1400 for a referral to a therapist.

Good luck to you.

Signed: TeenHealthFX