TeenHealthFX - Answers - Want Help Sad Friend

Depression / Question
Published: July 19, 2003

Dear TeenHealthFX,

Hi, we have a friend who seems to be happy, sometimes, but the way she acts, seems like she is hiding being really sad. She won't talk about it, or anything for that matter, and she has begun to lose interest in doing anything active. We know that she is hiding being sad, just to make people think she is okay, but she won't actually show that she is sad. And now she has pretty much stopped talking to us and seeming to be even more depressed. We have going to a few sites and looked up on symptoms and some of them she does have, but we don't really know what's going on and how to use the information we have gotten to help her-we also think that maybe she is just trying to get attention. We are a little afraid that if we try to forwardly express how we feel about the way she has been acting, she'll get mad at us and totally block us out, which wouldn't be good, if she is in fact depressed. If she is trying to get our attention should we give it to her or just in way ignore her, like should we give her time to try to help her. We have no idea what to do. Please help us. We don't want to lose our best friend over nothing.

Signed: Want Help Sad Friend

Dear Want Help Sad Friend,

TeenHealthFX thinks your friend is lucky to have friends who are concerned for her welfare. It sounds like you know your friend well enough to realize that something is going on even though you do not know what it is.

We recommend that you take a chance and talk to your friend - let her know that you are concerned about her and are there to listen to her. Let her know that you have noticed a change in her behavior and give her a chance to discuss how she is feeling. If she expresses that she is depressed it is important to be supportive and encourage her to speak to her parents or another adult who can help her get professional help.

If your friend prefers to keep her feelings private, accept her decision but let her know that you are still concerned for her and that she should seek help. Encourage her to speak with her parents, teacher or guidance counselor.

There are many symptoms of depression, but please realize that it is impossible to diagnose someone over the internet. Some symptoms of depression are:

frequent sadness or irritability
decreased energy
decreased interest in usual activities
decreased or increased appetite
difficulty with sleep (sometimes too much or not enough)
lack of concentration (decline in school grades)

If several of these symptoms describe how your friend is feeling. If you become concerned about her, talk to your parents or another adult who can talk with your friend's parents about what is going on.

If your friend is depressed, she may need to speak to a therapist and her doctor can give her a referral. If your friend shares that she feels like she is out of control, cannot deal with life or are in danger of hurting herself, please seek immediate assistance. If you live in Northern New Jersey, call the 24-hour CRISIS HOTLINE at (973) 540.0100. If you live outside Northern New Jersey, call the National Hope Line at (800) SUICIDE.

Signed: TeenHealthFX