TeenHealthFX - Answers - Life Is Falling Down Around Me

Family Abuse And Violence / Question
Published: May 30, 2006

Dear TeenHealthFX,

My Dad can't accept critisizm. Anytime i think what he does was rude, irresponsible, or cruel he just says 1:i am the adult 2:im not getting into it with you 3: you are just a stuppid 13 year old and im in charge or some other variant of the three. I don't know what to do about this. He is constantly correcting, and punishing me for things he does! I need help i feel like monkey see monkey do and children are mirrors but i do things the same as him and he gets mad. He thinks he is a god and that anything he thinks is undefiable holy words. Help me i'm begging you. I have had this problem for the last 3 years. I need support and i dont have many friends, family, or people that i can consult with. Also i dont have many friends and most people dont like me. People simply don't. I can't seem to see why. All of my friends are really close and i can trust them with my life. I was seperated from all of them this year when i went to a school that had the gifted and talented program. I need a way to make friends. I haven't been attracted to anyone since last year, is somthing wrong with me? I have had a girlfriend every year for the last 4 years but this year i have not been attracted to anyone. I don't know why. I might like this one girl but one of my best friends hates her and i guess i just enjoy being around her so it doesn't count as an attraction. I dont have any sexual attraction to her.... i dont think. Please respond to this i need it. Signed: life is falling down around me

Signed: Life Is Falling Down Around Me

Dear Life Is Falling Down Around Me,

TeenHealthFX is glad that you took this step towards getting help for yourself with this situation, and thinks that it is very important that you continue to enlist people to be helpful to you with this situation. Having such a conflictual relationship with your father, and feeling isolated from friends and family, are both very difficult situations to deal with – and we think it would be helpful for you to have more support in how to cope with all of this, as well as guidance in how to make some positive changes.

FX recommends doing some or all of the following to expand your support system:

Find a trusted adult in school – such as a teacher, school social worker or guidance counselor – and see if it would be possible for you to check in with that adult during days at school when you are having a hard time and need someone to talk to. Be sure to inform this person of the difficulties you are having with your father and with peers so that he/she can be helpful to you in those areas.

Schedule an appointment with a mental health professional. You can either speak with your father about it directly, or have someone at school advocate for you about this with your father. A therapist can be a wonderful source of support and guidance when going through a tough time. In addition to meeting with you individually, a therapist trained in doing family therapy can also help to address the conflicts that occur between you and your father.
Check with your school or local mental health agencies to see if there are any therapy groups available for people in your age range. Very often it can be helpful to have the support of your peers when going through such a tough time.
See if there are any extended family members whose help you can enlist – a grandparent, older sibling, aunt or uncle. That person could be another source of support for you to offer a listening ear and/or some advice on how to handle some of these situations, and could even help to intervene in what goes on between you and your father.
Join some clubs or become involved with activities that interest you at your new school – this can be an excellent way to meet people, especially when you are new to the school.

As far as not being attracted to anyone, FX does not think that this means there is anything “wrong” with you. For one thing, people are not necessarily attracted to people all the time – there may not be anyone around who sparks your interest, which is perfectly fine and normal. In addition, you are dealing with some tough stressors, and dating and crushes may not (understandably) be your main priority right now.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX