Cutting / Question
Published: June 27, 2006
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I'm 15 and I thought online dating was really stupid. Until I met this guy who lives all the way across the country from me and I fell in love. We've gone out for a year and I really want to meet him and he said once we're out of high-school. I've talked to him over the phone and I am very careful about giving information. But it still feels wrong. All we do is talk and we love each other a lot. I can't talk about this to my parents or friends because it's really hard for me to share my feelings to anybody. What do I do about my boyfriend? And how do I tell my parents I've been cutting for 2 years and get help?
Signed: How Do I Tell My Parents About My Boyfriend And My Cutting?
Dear How Do I Tell My Parents About My Boyfriend And My Cutting?,
TeenHealthFX is unsure what you meant when you said this relationship with your boyfriend feels “wrong” – if it is that you do not like keeping it a secret from your friends and family, or that you are having a bad gut feeling about this guy and your relationship despite some of the positive feelings you are having for him. Since we are unsure about this, FX thinks that it is important for you to speak to someone soon about this relationship so you can get some good advice on how to proceed with this situation from someone who is completely clear about the dynamics here.
FX thinks that it is important to speak with your parents about your relationship, as well as about the cutting. We understand that having these types of conversations can feel difficult and uncomfortable – but it is also clear that you are struggling with these things right now and could use some support and guidance from the adults around you. FX recommends that you find a time in the household where people are not seeming rushed and are in calm moods, and let your parents know you need to speak to them about a couple of things – you can even show them this letter to get the ball started. Tell them about your concerns with this internet relationship, and once that issue has been covered tell them that you would like to have an evaluation set up with a mental health professional trained in dealing with self-cutting. Let them know how long you have been cutting, and that you are finding that you need help in learning how to stop. Inform your parents that therapists trained in dealing with cutting can help you to identify what triggers your desire to cut, and then can help you develop alternate, healthy coping mechanisms. Tell your parents that a therapist could also meet with them to educate them more about self-cutting, if they are unfamiliar with it, as well as to help them learn ways to be more supportive and helpful to you during this tough time.
If you feel speaking directly to your parents is feeling just too difficult, FX suggests that you start with someone at school – a school social worker, nurse, guidance counselor, teacher, or any other trusted adult. Get his/her input on your internet relationship and how to proceed with it, and enlist his/her help in notifying your parents of these various issues (whether the school staff member talks to your parents with you or coaches you in how to do it on your own).
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.
You can also contact the Self-Injury Hotline at 1-800-DON’T-CUT, 1-800-366-8288 for more information (this is not a crisis line).
Signed: TeenHealthFX
One out of every six American women have been the victims of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. A total of 17.7 million women have been victims of these crimes. 
