TeenHealthFX - Answers - Emotional Incest

Other Emotional Health Issues / Question
Published: January 30, 2007

Dear TeenHealthFX,

Recently, I read an article on emotional incest, and it pretty accurately describes my life. I was wondering if you at FX could tell me if you believe emotional incest is a real problem, what symptoms are, and how I would be able to bring it up in a therapy appointment if I think it really is a problem for me. Thank you very much for reading this.

Signed: Emotional Incest

Dear Emotional Incest,

For our readers who may not know, the term emotional incest is most often used to describe family dynamics where a child feels responsible for a parent’s emotional well-being – often becoming like a pseudo-spouse to that parent in terms of the type of emotional relationship that is present. In these situations, the parent is generally not able to take responsibility for his/her emotions or seek emotional support from other adults. The child may then feel that he/he is to blame or has the power to influence whether or not the parent is happy or sad, calm or angry – and the child may also be burdened with having to be the listening ear for that parent about situations, thoughts, and feelings the parent is experiencing that should really be for another adult’s ears only.

If you are feeling like emotional incest may be a problem for you, TeenHealthFX is glad to hear that you are already connected with a therapist. In these types of family situations it is very important to seek out counseling so that you can learn how to deal with this dynamic in a way that ensures your own emotional well-being, and so your parent(s) can be involved in treatment as well to help them to form more appropriate and healthier boundaries that do not put you in a situation where you are their emotional care-takers. In terms of bringing up the topic with your therapist, FX suggests that you show your therapist a copy of this question/answer, raise the topic of emotional incest, or talk about the specific things that occur at home that make you feel emotional incest may be occurring for you.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX