TeenHealthFX - Answers - My Last Hope

Suicide / Question
Published: July 2, 2007

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I'm 18 years old and I have been suffering with depression since i was 15. I have always been alone and never really had any friends. The "friends" I have now only want me around just so I can do favors for them and if I don't they don't want anything to do with me. I am always the last resort on everything. I also feel like my family doesn't want me around and when I try to talk to my Mom or Step-dad, they always complain about something. They always tell me to get out more and make friends. I try that and I'm never wanted in the group and I always look stupid and embarrass myself. I'm to the point that I am always angry, miserable, and anxious. I am always thinking about killing myself and I have attempted suicide multiple times, but it never works and I just hate myself even more that I can't even kill myself and I can't do anything right. I feel hatred for everyone around me I envy everybody and want the worst for people. I want people to feel my pain and suffering and my misery. I'm sick of feeling this way. I want people to like me and feel like I can do something right and not screw everything up. I'm begging you please help me out! No one understands me and how I feel . Your my last hope! PLEASE HELP ME!!!

Signed: My Last Hope

Dear My Last Hope,

TeenHealthFX is sorry to hear that things are feeling so badly for you right now. You mentioned dealing with depression for the past three years, however, FX is unsure if you have sought out treatment for your depression. If not, we strongly suggest that you meet with a therapist and/or psychiatrist to discuss treatment options as depression can strongly impact a person’s mood, family life, and peer relationships.

FX also can hear the conflict that you are in. For one thing, you say that you want more friends in your life, but then you say that you hate people and want the worst for people. And secondly, you say you want to feel like you can do something the right way, but you also say that you hate yourself and see yourself as unable to do anything right. From these two examples, it sounds like there is one side of you that has certain thoughts and feelings that then get in the way of what the other side of you wants. That said, FX thinks it would also be a good idea to meet with a therapist so that you can discuss the negative feelings you have about yourself and others. These particular thoughts and feelings are obstacles to your being able to feel good about yourself, as well as to your getting more connected to others. Once those obstacles are dealt with, you will be able to feel more included with family and peers, as well as to feel more capable in various areas.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.

If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX