TeenHealthFX - Answers - I Hate Myself More Than Anyone Could Realize

Suicide / Question
Published: October 24, 2007

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I hate myself more than anyone could ever realize. All my life people have pushed me to be the top, the best and I hate it. My parents don't love me. They have displayed it openly in the house. I argue with my brother all the time. If I get an A it's not good enough because it's not an A+. I feel like no one knows who I am. I’ve been depressed for most of my 13 years of life. When I was in 4th grade I thought of killing my self. I can't stand the way I look and I feel so alone all the time. I just want to die.

Screw that bull**** about tomorrow will be better. I’m at the point I want to kill my self in the most painful way.

What do you think?

Signed: I Hate Myself More Than Anyone Could Realize

Dear I Hate Myself More Than Anyone Could Realize,

What do we think? TeenHealthFX thinks that it is very sad that you are feeling so much anger and despair right now that has brought you to a place where you want to end your life in such a “painful” way. FX is also very sorry to hear that you have not felt loved and supported for who you are, and can understand that this would contribute to significant feelings of sadness and anger for you.

And, while it is obviously not what you want to hear, FX does think that if people work towards it, things can get better and people can feel better. It just takes time, commitment and work for that to happen. FX sincerely hopes that you will meet with a mental health professional to address your depression, your suicidal thoughts and feelings, and the negative emotions you carry about your family life. It is important right now that you feel you have someone you can turn to for guidance and support and who does care – and it is important that you have hope and faith that life is worth living, your presence on this earth is worth fighting for, and that you are willing to work for a better life for yourself.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.

If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX