TeenHealthFX - Answers - Most People Would Say I Have The Perfect Life

Depression / Question
Published: January 4, 2008

Dear TeenHealthFX,

Most people would say i have the perfect life. Loving parents, wonderful home, good grades, a lot of things, great friends, a good personality and good looks. They only see the outside though. On the inside i am screaming for help and attention. I feel SO selfish and bad because i feel that i need these things, especially when some dont have them at all. I have had my share of bad things happen in my life and i dont know how to deal with them. I have a hard time crying and i have to take medicine for panic attacks. The real reason i am writing to you though is because i cant take it anymore. I want to die. The only things keeping me here are my friends, brother, and religion. I have tried talking to my parents but they believe i am the perfect child and blame my panic attacks and depression on my need to be perfect; i blame it on the fact that i am scared of tomorrow. I dont know what tomorrow brings and i dont know how i am going to feel. I dont want professional help because i dont want to be labled as crazy. I am speaking to you, however, because i know that i need some help and im running out of people to talk to and things that make me happy. On the outside i pretend to be happy, but on the inside, almost every day, its a constant battle between the feelings of life and death and what to look forward to more...please help me.

Signed: Most People Would Say I Have The Perfect Life

Dear Most People Would Say I Have The Perfect Life,

TeenHealthFX is sorry to hear that things are feeling like such a struggle right now for you. And we are particularly sorry that you do not feel like anyone understands the extent of what you are going through – that most people see you as having this perfect life rather than recognizing what is really going on with you.

FX can appreciate that you are worried being in therapy will mean that you are “crazy,” as this is a concern that some people have when considering mental health treatment. However, FX views therapy as a means of becoming educated about what has been contributing to particular problems, as well as a means of developing skills to effectively deal with those issues. Instead of looking at participating in therapy as a statement that you are “crazy,” look at it more as a method of education for you and your family. And here is how individual and family therapy can provide from an education and skill-building point of view:

Education on what triggers your panic attacks and any depressive episodes, as well as on ways to deal with those triggers.
Education on what to do when there are signs that a panic attack or depressive episode is coming on.
Education for your parents on what contributes to the issues you are dealing with and ways in which they relate to you that are helpful to you or that exacerbate the problems you are dealing with.
Education for you and your parents on how to more effectively communicate with one another, particularly when it comes to talking about problems and feelings.
Learning new and effective coping skills to deal with the “bad things” that have happened to you.
Learning new and effective coping skills to deal with the unknown of tomorrow, the times when things do not go the way you had hoped or planned, or the times when the result is less than perfect.
Learning how to be more loving, compassionate, and accepting of yourself.
Learning how to express your emotions in a healthy way rather than bottling them up.

In addition to participating in individual and family therapy, FX also recommends that you speak to the doctor who is prescribing the medication you take for your panic attacks so that he/she can assess if any changes need to be made to your medication regimen at this time. If you are having a difficult time with anxiety and depression symptoms, a change in your medication may be indicated.

FX is clear that it can be exceptionally hard for many people to reach out for help for a variety of reasons. However, you clearly could benefit from having increased and help and support right now from loved ones and from professionals who are specially trained to deal with these kinds of issues. So reach out for help so you are not alone with this anymore, keep in mind that reaching out does not make you “crazy” or less than in any way, and remember that there is a great deal of hope for things to get better for you.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers.

If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX