Rape, Abuse & Violence / Question
Published: March 26, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Lately it has been hell for my girlfriend. She constantly argues with her dad about anything. I swear, he feels like making her cry. He's left bruises on her and the most recent incident, her dad hit her over the head and left a nice bump. I'm 19 and she's going to be 16 next month. The other day, she wanted to kill herself because of her father. She constantly wants me to come and take her away from her house. I don't know what to do anymore. The problem with this situation is he has ties to both the local PD and the state patrol, so if she called the cops, he'd know about it. Is there anything I can do to help her situation? Can she legally run away at 16? It is important that you respond ASAP. Thanks!
Signed: Lately It Has Been Hell For My Girlfriend
Dear Lately It Has Been Hell For My Girlfriend,
TeenHealthFX can certainly understand your concern for your girlfriend and your desire to take helpful steps as soon as possible to ensure her physical and emotional well-being. From what you are describing, your girlfriend is definitely being physically abused by her father, and is most likely being abused on an emotional level as well. Since contacting the police is not an option because of her father’s connections, FX recommends that this situation be reported to your local child protective services and that it be made clear to them that your girlfriend is concerned with how her father will react to the report and that he may try to use his police connections to get himself out of the situation. As far as how to go about contacting child protective services, you have a few options:
- You or your girlfriend can make the call yourselves. In NJ you would call DYFS at 1-800-NJ-ABUSE. If you live outside of NJ you can look in the phone book or do a search online to find out the number for reporting child abuse in your state. You can also contact the Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-792-8610, 24 hours, 7days a week, which is a service for reporting physical or sexual abuse and to get help.
- You and your girlfriend can notify a trusted adult about the situation, who can then help you to make this call or make the call for you. You can talk to a school counselor, your parents, a teacher, your girlfriend’s primary care physician, or any other trusted adult in the picture who could be of help.
- Your girlfriend could go herself to her local hospital emergency room and report what has been happening – particularly if she is in a situation again where there is any kind of bump or bruise left on her from her father getting physical with her. The hospital ER could document any injuries, call child protective services, and keep your girlfriend in the ER where she would be safely supervised until a caseworker from the child protective services arrives and assesses the situation in terms of ensuring your girlfriend’s immediate and long-term safety.
It is important that your girlfriend reach out for help with this issue. Her father is dealing with a serious anger management problem and will probably not get help for his abusive behaviors unless he is forced to. Child protective services can assess the safety of the home for your girlfriend, make alternate living arrangements for your girlfriend if her home is deemed to be unsafe, and arrange (separate) counseling services for your girlfriend and her father. Again, if your girlfriend is concerned with her father’s immediate reaction to the report and that he may become physically violent with her, it is important that the call be made from a place where an adult can supervise your girlfriend (at school or her local hospital ER) to ensure her immediate safety – and it is important that child protective services be made aware of this concern when the call is made.
FX would also like you to pass on the following hotline information to your girlfriend that she can use if she is in a crisis situation, if she is feeling suicidal, or if she is contemplating running away from home:
- Youth Crisis Hotline, 1-800-448-4663, 24 hours, 7 days a week. For youths, 17 years of age or younger who are in crisis
- National Runaway Switchboard, 1-800-621-4000, 24 hours, 7days a week. Help if you have runaway or thinking of running away.
If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
While 93% of teenage women report that their first intercourse was voluntary, one-quarter of these young women report that it was unwanted. 
