TeenHealthFX - Answers - Girlfriend Lost A Close Friend In A Car Accident

Helping Friends And Loved Ones With Their Emotional Issues / Question
Published: May 14, 2008

Dear TeenHealthFX,

About a week ago, my girlfriend lost a close friend to a car accident. Now, I get another phone call tonight from her and she said that her best friend rolled her car and is in the ICU in the hospital. What can I do to comfort her? It's a long distance relationship, so I can't go see her right now. I've said a prayer for her friend, Xxxxxx (the girl in the ICU). I want to try to comfort her as much as I can. I'm afraid she's going to be suicidal again if Xxxxxx dies. Please help!!! :(

Signed: Girlfriend Lost A Close Friend In A Car Accident

Dear Girlfriend Lost A Close Friend In A Car Accident,

TeenHealthFX is very sorry to hear that your girlfriend is going through such a difficult time right now in terms of having a close friend die in a car accident and then to have her best friend end up in the ICU from another car accident. FX can appreciate your concern for her right now, and would suggest the following given that the two of you are in a long distance relationship:

Encourage your girlfriend to speak with a trained mental health professional if she is feeling, or you are noticing, that she is having trouble coping with all of the feelings she is understandably experiencing. A therapist could be helpful to your girlfriend in terms of assisting her in working through any negative emotions, and by helping her to develop and use healthier coping mechanisms for what she is dealing with right now. Your girlfriend could meet with a private therapist or perhaps a school counselor.
Encourage your girlfriend to build and/or maintain a support system for herself of peers and adults she can call, talk to, or go to at any time if she needs help or a listening ear about this situation.
Let your girlfriend know that you are there for her whenever she needs you – that she can call you day or night if she is struggling with this and needs to reach out to someone.
Since you are far away from your girlfriend right now, consider mailing her cards or a little care package every now and then – something to help her to know you are thinking of her and care about her.
If you ever have any concern that you girlfriend is suicidal, encourage her to call 9-1-1, one of the hotlines listed below, or to go to her local emergency. In addition, alert her parents (or any other trusted adult in the area) of what is going on with your girlfriend so that they can intervene on her behalf.
Figure out when the two of you will be able to see each other, and remind her that you will be together soon.
Ask your girlfriend what you can do to be helpful. Let her know that you really sympathize with what she is going through and that you are feeling concerned about what kind of impact all of this is having on her. Let her know that you want to be helpful to her and supportive of her right now, but you are unsure what she might experience as most helpful. That way she can let you know what she needs from you right now.

If your girlfriend lives in northern New Jersey and needs help finding a therapist she can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area she can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in her area. She can also contact her insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers.

If your girlfriend gets to the point that she is seriously considering suicide or is afraid of her impulses then she needs to seek help immediately. She can call 911 or go to her nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey she can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX