Death & Dying / Question
Published: August 27, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
So my dad died when i was 3 yrs. old, and my mother died on my 9th birthday. Sometimes i cry really hard and pray to see her again, its been 7 yrs.! I should be over it. I feel so dumb when i cry about it. Ihate myself for making a big deal out of it, but i cant help it. They both died due to drug over doses and now my older sister is drinking and doing drugs and i feel terrible, shes like the only one i can talk to about everything and i dont want her to end up like my parents. Its none of my business i know but im worried about her and my break downs are becoming more frequent. Is there something wrong with me? I shouldnt be acting like this after 7 whole years!
Signed: Both Of My Parents Died From Drug Overdoses
Dear Both Of My Parents Died From Drug Overdoses,
TeenHealthFX appreciates that you may be feeling hateful towards yourself that you continue to have such a hard time dealing with your parents’ deaths, however, we view your feelings as completely understandable and hope that with time you will be able to be easier on yourself about your reaction to their passing. For one thing, they both died of an overdose, which is a pretty horrible way to go. You might find that you are very angry with them for doing this to themselves and leaving you all alone. You might find that you are angry with them because their deaths could have been totally preventable if they had made different decisions in their lives regarding their substance abuse. And it would make perfect sense that you would feel sad, lonely, and scared living without them. It may have been seven years, but you are still a minor and still need your parents in ways that adults do not. Plus, as a minor, you do not have your own spouse and children in terms of feeling like you have your own family to turn to for love, closeness, and support. So losing your parents at the age you did and not having them around for you right now will understandably affect you in a significant way.
On top of everything mentioned above, your older sister is now drinking and doing drugs. So this means that she is probably not around for you the way you need her to be. Plus, it is probably very upsetting because it only reminds you of what happens to your parents. And FX guesses that you must feel sad, scared, and angry that her lifestyle may now be similar to what theirs was.
FX thinks that it is totally understandable and reasonable for you to be feeling sad, scared, angry, or lonely in all that you have dealt with and are currently dealing with. We think that it is very important that you reach out to a trusted adult for help with what you are going through. It is very important that you have a healthy, trusted adult in your life to look up to and have around for support, guidance, and encouragement. This may be an extended family, a counselor or teacher at school, a private therapist, or a neighbor. Think about any adults around you who you could reach out to – and let them know where you are at and what you need right now. And, again, don’t be so hard on yourself because you are dealing with so many emotions – anyone in your shoes would be, too.
If you live in northern
You can also contact Al-Anon/Alateen Hotline at 1-800-344-2666, 8am-6pm EST. This hotline is for help for young people who are the relatives and friends of problem drinkers. You can also get information online at www.al-anon.alateen.org.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Less than 33% of teens with depression get help, yet 80% of teens with depression can be successfully treated if they seek help from a doctor or therapist.
