Questions About Therapy/Concerns About Therapists / Question
Published: December 15, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
i have a feeling i'm in the wrong kind of therapy. i've been seeing a therapist for about two years. the first year i used to see her a lot but now it's very spare because of conflicting schedules. i stopped going because i don't think she's helping. she's very sweet but i don't think she can help me. i don't really trust her and there's some things that i can't tell her cause i'm too embarrassed.
Signed: Feeling Like I'm In The Wrong Kind Of Therapy
Dear Feeling Like I'm In The Wrong Kind Of Therapy,
There are several reasons why people may feel like their therapy doesn’t seem to be working. Read some of the possibilities below, and think about which ones may apply most to you. Based on what the problem is, you can then figure out the best direction to take from there in terms of finding a way to make therapy work for you.
- Sometimes therapy is not effective because the therapist does not have enough training to sufficiently address very specific issues that come up in the therapy. For example, if a client comes in with a sexual abuse history, an eating disorder, or a mood disorder – it is important that the therapist have experience working with those specific populations. It is also important to have a therapist sufficiently trained in working with your age group, as well as in the modality of treatment you are seeking. It is a very different type of work dealing with individual therapy with children, adolescents, and adults. Different skills are also needed when doing group, family, or individual therapy. So if a teenager with an eating disorder is looking to be in family therapy, they would want a therapist who has experience working with teens, dealing with eating disorders, and doing family work. Your therapist may be “sweet,” but if she is lacking the skill set you need, you may need to find a therapist with more experience in dealing with your particular issues. If this is the case, FX recommends that you speak with your current therapist about this so that she can help you find someone more appropriate for your needs.
- Sometimes there is an issue of “chemistry.” We just feel more comfortable with one person over another. You mention that you do not trust your therapist. If there is something about how she relates or things she has done that have lead you to feel this way, it might be helpful for you to find someone who comes across to you as more trustworthy.
- It is very helpful for a therapist to be compassionate and caring. But it is also important that a therapist be direct with clients, and confront and challenge on issues in an appropriate way. Since you mentioned your therapist is very “sweet,” FX wonders if she is not challenging you enough to talk about issues that need to be discussed. If you feel this is the case, FX recommends that you discuss this with her and let her know that you feel she isn’t calling you out on things as much as she needs to be for the therapy to progress.
- You mentioned that it is hard to trust your therapist and that you are embarrassed to talk to her about certain things. If you feel that the difficulties in trusting and opening up to her are more about how you feel, rather than about her having a history of acting in an untrustworthy and judgmental way, then FX thinks that it is very important that you discuss these concerns with her. Very often people need to work through their concerns with how they fear their therapists will react to them as an important part of the work. So if you have concerns that your therapist will be dishonest in some way, hurtful, or critical of you (and it is not based on how she has been acting to you), it is VERY important that you discuss these concerns with her and work on establishing a therapeutic relationship where you can feel more of a comfort and openness. This is an important part of the work, and will help you be able to work through the issues that currently feel too embarrassing to talk about.
- Sometimes we are just not ready to deal with certain issues in therapy. Being in therapy is a difficult thing – it can bring up painful feelings and can make issues that a person may rather sweep under the rug more apparent. It is very common that people may not be ready to face their “demons” in therapy or to make changes because doing all of that will feel painful and difficult in various ways. So it may be possible that you are not feeling ready to dig deeper into your issues right now. It’s an understandable way to feel, and if it is the way you are feeling FX recommends that you speak to your therapist so you can figure out where to go from here.
There are many reasons why a person may feel that his/her therapy is not effective. However, when people do feel this way, FX thinks that it is very important for them to discuss their concerns with their therapist so they can come to a better understanding of what is getting in the way of progress and decide what to do about it.
If you decide you want to try a new therapist and you live in northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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