Helping Friends/Loved Ones Who Are Suicidal Or In Abusive Situations / Question
Published: March 23, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I have lived with my mother and have for my whole life, except for two years. My life with her has not been a happy one and hasn't been my entire life with her. She is bipolar and has many other health conditions, that i believe is mostly her imagination. she has many medications that i believe she is taking to much of and is affect the way she treats us. My mother has had many boyfriends in her life that has beat her in front of me. this has been going on since i was three to now. the only difference between now and then is that i give an effort to protect my mom, though i know i have not part in it at all, but i will NOT just stand by and watch it happen with out doing something. My mom will not stop dating men like this and sometimes will not even break up with them even when she knows not only her life is in danger but our (mine and my sisters, she is three) is too. my mom's new boyfriend is in some ways a gangster, his family is constantly fights with others over who runs marion, in short terms they're a gang. my mom has left me and my sister alone while me and her are sleeping until four or six a.m. in the morning. i fear this man is either going to get his family to beat and likely kill my mother and since some of them go to my school, come after me. my mom doesnt care and dismissing my fears by rolling her eyes. I havent gotten much sleep in two weeks because i will not sleep without my mother or someother trusted adult there because we live in a very violent part of town, they call it the "hood", gang fights shooting in most the man family is participating in. it is either her gone or they are there making to much for me to sleep. my normal amout of sleep i habe gotten is either from 3 a.m. to 6 or 7 a.m. to 4 to 5 a.m. to 7 a.m. because i have to get up for school. One time not to long ago i went to be at 11 a early hour compare to when i had normally been going to sleep these days. I had woken up at 12 thirsty so i got up to get a drink while i was getting my drink someone knocked at the door,
Signed: My Mothers Dates Men Who Beat Her
Dear My Mothers Dates Men Who Beat Her,
TeenHealthFX thinks that it would be ideal if your mother could get help for her bipolar disorder, as well as for her tendency to be in physically abusive relationships with men. There are therapists and programs available that deal with both issues – and it would be very helpful for your mother to be involved with such a therapist or program. If you feel comfortable, you could suggest such programs to your mother and give her some numbers to call (listed below). If you do not feel comfortable addressing this with her on your own, and/or feel you need other adults to talk with your mother about her getting help for yourself, let an adult you trust know about the situation. Talk to an extended family member, school counselor, your family doctor, or anyone else who can speak with your mother and encourage her to get help for herself.
- If your mother lives in northern New Jersey and needs help finding a therapist she can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area she can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in her area. She can also contact her insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or you can check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
- If your mother lives in New Jersey she can contact JBWS (Jersey Battered Women’s Services) at 973-267-4763. This phone number is a 24 hour confidential helpline. For more information, including links to other helpful websites, visit: www.jbws.org. Outside of NJ she can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) – 1-800-787-3224 (TTY line for deaf callers) – 24 hours, 7days a week.
As far as you and your sister, it is important that the two of you have an adult you can turn to for guidance and support, as well as someone who can determine whether or not you are currently safe in your home environment. If you are being left alone at home for extended periods of time and if you worry about your physical safety with some of the men your mother dates, then FX thinks that you need to speak to an extended family member, family doctor, school counselor, or any other adult who can intervene or your behalf right away. You can also contact the Youth Hotline Crisis hotline (listed below), or, to involve child protective services to determine whether you are safe in the house and to put in any needed services in the home for you, your sister and your mother, you can call 1-800-NJ-ABUSE (if you live in New Jersey) or the Child Abuse Hotline (listed below).
- Youth Crisis Hotline, 1-800-448-4663, 24 hours, 7 days a week. For youths, 17 years of age or younger who are in crisis
- Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-792-8610, 24 hours, 7days a week. For reporting physical or sexual abuse and to get help.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
In the 
