TeenHealthFX - Answers - 20 Year Old Brother Tells Me He Is Going To Die Young

Helping Friends/Loved Ones Who Are Suicidal Or In Abusive Situations / Question
Published: March 26, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I'm a 17 year old girl and I'm a loss on what to do. My 20 year old brother has been blatantly telling me that he's going to die young and maybe even sooner if he commits suicide. He talks about it lightly and I don't think he understands how much it tears me apart inside even though I've told him my feelings before. He's attempted suicide before and this time I don't know what's going to happen. My mother doesn't seem concerned about it even though he's voiced it out to us both. He's always had emotional problems, ever since I was younger. I'm unsure and nervous about involving professional in this situation because it is so personal. Please help! :(

Signed: 20 Year Old Brother Tells Me He Is Going To Die Young

Dear 20 Year Old Brother Tells Me He Is Going To Die Young,

TeenHealthFX can appreciate how distressed you must be feeling about your brother’s previous suicide attempts and comments about how he may try to kill himself again, as well at viewing your mother as being relatively unconcerned with his history of emotional health issues.

FX thinks that it is very important for you to tell your brother that you are extremely concerned with his emotional well-being and that you want him to seek mental health treatment for himself as soon as possible. Let him know that if he refuses to seek help for himself, or if you do not trust that he is going through with getting help even if he says he is, that you will tell a trusted adult about what is going on with him so that an adult can intervene in the situation. Your brother needs professional help to deal with his emotional issues and suicidal tendencies – this is more than you and your mother can deal with on your own. FX understands that it may feel like a personal matter, but we also want you to think about this: if your brother really, truly wanted to kill himself, he would have done so already. By constantly commenting to you about how he plans on killing himself this is actually a cry for help – he is basically telling you that he needs you to do something to help him. So, again, please talk to a trusted adult as soon as possible – a school counselor, your family doctor, another adult family member who you think will take this more seriously, or anyone else you feel you can trust to intervene in a helpful way.

FX also thinks that it would be helpful for you to have an adult you can talk to about this issue. Whether you speak with a school counselor or private therapist, it is important that you have someone who can be there for you with guidance and support as you cope with your brother’s emotional issues. It can be extremely difficult living with, or dealing with, loved ones who have various mental illnesses or suicidal tendencies. And it is important in these cases to make sure you have your own supports in place so you can stay emotionally well and ensure that you are acting in your brother’s best interest.

If you or your brother live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

You can also give the following information to your brother:

If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX