Death & Dying / Question
Published: April 20, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Hi, I'm a 13 year old girl and I recently suffered a very bad loss. I found out a few days ago that four of my friends died in a drunk driving accident. None of them were drinking, but the driver of the car was. I feel very alone, cold, and am currently in denial about their passing. I shake all over at night before I go to sleep, and cry constantly. I even started slitting my wrists to help with the pain, something I never thought I would do. Is there something wrong with me. I don't think I should be feeling these feelings as extreme as they are. Is there something wrong with me? Please help me.
Signed: Friend Died In Drunk Driving Accident
Dear Friend Died In Drunk Driving Accident,
TeenHealthFX does not think there is anything out of the ordinary about your emotional reactions to this incident. Four of your friends died – they died young, unexpectedly, and in a terribly tragic way. Anyone in your shoes would feel shaken up, depressed, scared, and even angry about losing four friends this way.
While the feelings you are experiencing are normal considering the circumstances, FX does think that it is important for you to meet with a mental health professional trained in dealing with issues around death and dying. It is very important for you to have a place where you can talk about all of the emotions you are experiencing, where you can have someone there for you as you go through the different stages of grieving (one of which is denial), and where you can receive some guidance and support in dealing with these feelings and in working towards developing healthier coping mechanisms so you do not resort to cutting.
FX also thinks that it is important for you to let your parents know how you are feeling so they can be sure to be there for you with love, guidance and support as well. In addition, it would be helpful for you to be able to speak with others who knew your friends who were killed – whether they are peers and/or any staff members at your school.
The most important thing for you to know is that this was a traumatic thing that happened, and you may be subsequently feeling traumatized, yourself. So it is very important that you seek out help and do not go through this alone.
If you live in northern
FX also suggests that you look into Rainbows, a non-profit, international organization that works to help children and teens who have had to deal with some kind of loss in their lives.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Teens with untreated depression are more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors, leading to higher rates of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
