Depression / Question
Published: June 10, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I dont know. Really. Sometimes, I can be normal and really happy. But sometimes, like now, I just feel as if Im depressed and I dont feel like myself. I know it's not PMS because I count my days. And this feeling happens practically everyday for the past 3 years. I used to feel suicidal even. Mostly everyone I ever told has told me it's just a phase. Right now, I'm 14. And my life is very controlled. I cant go out with my friends at all. I have to go straight home. My parents send me to school and sometimes fetch me back. The time i have on the computer is limited too. I feel as if everything is going downhill. My grades drop miserably. I feel overly fat. I wake up sometimes at weird hours of the morning/night. And wont be able to sleep again. Not much. Please help. I don't know whats going on with me. Am I depressed? Should I see a therapist?
Signed: My Life Is Very Controlled
Dear My Life Is Very Controlled,
There are lots of reasons why your parents may be so controlling in how they treat you. They may just be controlling people in general, or they may have a lot of concerns about how safe they see their world, so they are controlling with you in an attempt to be protective of you. When a parent’s child reaches adolescence, it can be hard for that parent in certain instances to deal with the fact that their child is growing up and beginning to move towards adulthood and being a more separate and independent individual. Sometimes being so controlling is a parent’s way to feel like their child is not going to grow up and move on from them.
Whatever the reason, when parents are so controlling, excessively limiting in what they allow their children to do, or very rigid with the rules of the house, it can have a very detrimental effect on the children and the parent-child relationships. The kids may feel that their parents are limiting and controlling because the parents don’t trust them or see them as incapable of handling themselves out in the world – and it can negatively affect the self-esteem. In addition, it can be very difficult for an adolescent to see that so many activities and experiences that their peers enjoy are restricted for them. Peer relationships and socializing experiences are very important during adolescence – and it can feel depressing and isolating for a teen who does not adequately experience these things. Finally, the parent-child relationship can be negatively affected in these situations because a teen can end up feeling angry and resentful towards his/her parents, and feel like they are seen in some kind of negative way by the parents. And to not have the experience of a close, loving parent-child relationship can also feel depressing to a teen.
All that said, if you are feeling very controlled by your parents you may very well be depressed. Feeling suicidal, having frequent periods of sad moods over the past few years, and doing poorly in school are all possible indicators of depression. In addition, many teens who grow up in a controlled and rigid environment deal with issues around overeating. So FX does not see this as PMS or a phase, but something that needs to be addressed by a mental health professional.
FX thinks that it is very important for you to have a consultation with a mental health professional. If, after being evaluated, a therapist diagnoses you with some form of depression, then it may be recommended for you to be on an anti-depressant or to go to individual therapy on a weekly basis. But whatever treatment plan is put into place, FX thinks that it is extremely important for family therapy to be a part of the plan. Clearly there are dynamics going on at home and relationship issues between you and your parents that are negatively affecting you – so family therapy should be a critical part of any treatment plan formulated for you.
FX thinks that you should reach out for help with this as soon as possible. Speak to your parents directly, or talk to a school counselor, doctor, or extended family who can speak to them on your behalf, about your having a mental health consultation. And if you ever get to the point of feeling suicidal again in the future, in addition to telling someone about it right away, remember that even though your life may feel rigid and controlled right now, that is not the way it always has to be. Once you are an adult and living out of your parents’ home it will be in your power and control to live your life in the way you would like – so use this image as something to work towards and look forward to.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Persons aged 15-24, who represent only 14% of the 
