Family Abuse And Violence / Question
Published: June 17, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
My brother keeps trying to touch me in inapporite places and says that he'll buy me stuff in return. I so no every time he asks but he just keeps pressing the issue, I haven't told my mom or dad because I don't want him to get in trouble I just want it to end. He also tries to make me grab him, its really uncomfratble. And I'm afraid that if I tell my dad he will hurt him because when we were younger he used to beat us all the time. I'm extremly confused. HELP!!
Signed: Brother Is Tyring To Touch Me In Inappropriate Places
Dear Brother Is Tyring To Touch Me In Inappropriate Places,
TeenHealthFX can appreciate your dilemma. It understandably feels uncomfortable and scary for you to have your own brother making inappropriate sexual advances towards you, however, it is also probably very frightening to think that your father may hurt your brother in reaction to this rather than getting your brother the help he needs.
FX thinks that it is very important for you to speak to a trusted adult who can intervene in this situation on your behalf and on your brother’s behalf. It is critical for someone to ensure that you stay physically and emotionally safe with your brother, but it is also essential that your brother receives some kind of treatment as he clearly has a problem that needs to be addressed.
FX wonders if you could start by speaking to your mother about this. Depending on your view of your mother, and her relationship with your father, think about whether your mother could address this with your father in a way that would ensure a stop is put to your brother’s behavior with you and that your brother gets professional help. Think, as well, about whether your mother would have the kind of influence with your father to ensure that he seeks out professional help for your brother rather than resorting to physical harm, which will not help anything in the end.
If you do not feel comfortable putting this in your mother’s hands, then consider meeting with a school counselor or speaking with a private therapist. You could speak to a counselor while you are at school or request that your parents set up a consultation with a private therapist, telling them that you have some stressors you would like help in dealing with. A school counselor and/or therapist could give you the support and guidance you need to deal with this.
You could also contact child protective services (either on your own or with the assistance of a school counselor or therapist) to report the situation. If you make a formal report, be sure to emphasize your concern that your father may physically harm your brother if this gets out in the open. If you live in New Jersey you can contact 1-800-NJ-ABUSE. Outside of NJ you can call the Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-792-8610, 24 hours, 7 days a week. This hotline is to report physical or sexual abuse and to get help.
If at any point you are concerned about your own and/or your brother’s immediate safety, then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
You can also contact the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), 24 hours, 7days a week, for information and guidance with this.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
A national study of women ages 15-44 found that women were almost twice as likely to receive contraceptive services rather than STD services.
