TeenHealthFX - Answers - Step-Father Is Cruel

Family Abuse And Violence / Question
Published: June 24, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

My step-father is, for lack of a better term, cruel. He is very much abusive (emotionally/verbally) and he's been that way all my life (or at least as far back as I can remember). He, so often, threatens to hurt my mother in some way, as in by "breaking her neck," "pushing her down the stairs," and other such was of "putting her in her place." He does the same to me and my two younger sisters, although it's the worst with my mother and I. I assumed that's because I'm not his biological child. Anyways, we fight so much, and I have been getting sick of it. Sick of being called every name in the book. Sick of feeling like I'm worth nothing. Feeling like everything I did was wrong,and that there was no way that anyone could like me. When I lived in another town, everyone at the school I went to hated me. And he played on that. He'd always mention something about "why I didn't deserve friends," or how "this must be why I have no friends." And if he made me cry, he'd laugh. He'd get in my face and laugh, and call me more names. So last year (after all of the above and more.) I went to the school with evidence, a recording, of his abuse. In this recording, I had proof that he laughed when one of his kids cried because of him, and I had him threatening me, and my mother. The school contacted social service (or whatever it was) but no one did anything. Apparently they investigated, but nothing came up. So, of course, it continued. Not so long ago, it got really bad. We (he and I) got into an argument. He said some nasty things, and I responded (so maybe I deserved what I got, you be the judge). He slapped me on the mouth and told me to go to my room and I was angry that he slapped me. When I said no (I got right in his face. I was not afraid of him thanks to the adrenaline), he pushed me over. Then I sat on the ground, telling him that he wouldn't touch me anymore. I was so sick of it. Then, I went to the counselor and told him about it. It was a friend of mine who convinced me to do it. We t

Signed: Step-Father Is Cruel

Dear Step-Father Is Cruel,

TeenHealthFX is sorry that you have been dealing with this abusive situation for so long with your step-father. We can absolutely appreciate that you are fed up with his treating you and your family members in such a terrible way. And we want to stress that we do not feel that you, or anyone else, ever deserves to be physically, emotionally or verbally abused. Not everyone exhibits the best behavior all the time, but that does not mean that abuse is warranted or justified in response to the behavior – parents have a lot of choices about how to deal with situations that come up with their children, and abusing their children should never be one of them.

FX is also sorry that you are feeling child protective services is not doing enough to help you. FX recommends that you do some or all of the following:

· Contact the case worker assigned to your case to discuss your concerns and report any new instances of abuse.

· Keep a written record of any abusive incidents.

· If your case worker is not being effective in protecting you, call the agency and ask to speak to the case worker’s supervisor.

· Enlist the help of a trusted adult in getting the attention you need from child protective services. You could talk to a school counselor, teacher, therapist, coach, neighbor, extended family member or the parents of a friend – someone who can help to put in calls to child protective services as well.

FX also thinks that it would be helpful for you to speak to your mother about how you are feeling. Let her know that you see your step-father’s behavior towards everyone in the house as abusive and that you would like her to do something about it for her sake and for the sake of her children. It is important that your mother receive some kind of support and counseling to deal with this issue – so she can make healthy decisions for herself and for you. You can offer her the following resource:

· If you live in New Jersey you can contact JBWS (Jersey Battered Women’s Services) at 973-267-4763. This phone number is a 24 hour confidential helpline. Outside of NJ you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) – 1-800-787-3224 (TTY line for deaf callers) – 24 hours, 7days a week.

Also, consider any of the following resources in the event they might be helpful to you:

· Prevent Child Abuse America offers many links available resources when abuse is occurring in the home.

· Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-792-8610, 24 hours, 7days a week. For reporting physical or sexual abuse and to get help.

· Youth Crisis Hotline, 1-800-448-4663, 24 hours, 7 days a week. For youths, 17 years of age or younger who are in crisis

· If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

· If you are in a crisis situation with your step-father, you can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX