Dating Violence & Date Rape / Question
Published: June 24, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. He was so loving but know things have changed when we have arguments he hurts me physically by pushing me and pulling my hair. He also grabs me by the wrists and holds on to them until i have briuses this has happeneed a few times now. When it does happen he says he is sorry and that it wont happen again but it does. He is very jealous person im not allowed to talk to guys or even have guy friends. he checks my phone to see if i talk to anybody. He dosent let me go out with my friends only with my family. But when it comes to him, he can do whatever he wants. he goes where ever he wants and i cant. Im always staying home. Today i cooked him dinner and he was on the computer. I kept telling him to eat it because it was going to get cold. He didnt listen to me so time passed and he took a bite of it. He told me it was cold and that it tasted nasty. then he threw the food at me. i started to cry and he left the house saying he wasnt going to deal with me no more. I dont know wat to do i love him and i want to be with him forever but i cant take the way he treats me anymore. I break up with him but he manipulates me and we get together again. He has even pushed me in front of his sisters. I dont know what to do i need advice. !!!!!!
Signed: Boyfriend Physically Hurts Me When We Have Arguments
Dear Boyfriend Physically Hurts Me When We Have Arguments,
TeenHealthFX is VERY concerned about you and about this relationship. Your boyfriend is being physically abusive to you, and is also being emotionally abusive by restricting things like phone calls and social time with friends. FX hears that you love this person and want to be with him forever, but this is a pattern that is not likely to change and you will probably continue to deal with this kind of abuse forever if you do not do something now. The only way for this pattern to be broken is for you to end the relationship and not even consider starting up the relationship again until you both have received counseling for this issue and it is clear he will no longer be abusive to you.
As for now, FX strongly recommends that you end the relationship and seek out counseling for yourself to ensure that you do not get sucked back into this abusive relationship and to address whatever issues are going on for you that you are attracted to, and in love with, such violent person who cruelly abuses you. It is important that you be clear with your boyfriend that he is being physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive to you and that you will not tolerate being treated this way – so you are ending the relationship. Let him know you will not see him, talk to him by phone, contact him through the computer or anything else and that if he tries to contact you, you will not respond. And then stand by this statement. Counseling will be an important part of helping you not to get sucked back into a hurtful relationship with him (or with anyone else who is abusive). But it is also important that you let your friends and family members know what you are going through so that they can give you the encouragement and support you need to make healthy decisions for yourself regarding this situation.
If you have any concerns of him becoming violent after the break-up, discuss this with a counselor and try to keep yourself in the company of other people as much as possible. If you are ever in need of immediate assistance because he is threatening harm, call 911.
To find help for yourself, consider the following: If you live in New Jersey you can contact JBWS (Jersey Battered Women’s Services) at 973-267-4763. This phone number is a 24 hour confidential helpline. Outside of NJ you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) – 1-800-787-3224 (TTY line for deaf callers) – 24 hours, 7days a week. It is important that you get connected with a counselor trained in working with people who are dealing with domestic violence so that you can get the help you need.
You can also call the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
While 93% of teenage women report that their first intercourse was voluntary, one-quarter of these young women report that it was unwanted. 
