Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem Issues / Question
Published: August 10, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am 14 years old and have issues with trying to be happy. ive lateley been overcoming low self esteem issuses, low self confidence, and social issuses. all my life ivee had alot of freinds but still been picked on alot by others around me and ive been bottling it up for a long time. it started in 1st grade when i got on the bus and before this one kid got off he punched me in the stomach for no clear reason.ive been dealing with name calling with name calling,bullies,self esteem, and even people talking about me less than 2 or 3 feet away and lately its been messing with my head. ill be cool one minute but my mood can change in less than a second to depressed.i talk to my parents as much as i can and have gotten good advice and very well needed encouragement and support as well as a sense of closure and an excellent sense of security but i still cant seem to make myself at peace in my mind so i can just move on and be happy again. im going to high school soon and i feel if i dont get over this soon more stress will pile up on me my mom keeps telling me i should see a phsycologist if i keep having problems but i only want to do that as a last resort. i you have any advice for a 14 year old looking to end his self esteem issues for good please respond.
Signed: Have Been Bullied & Now Trying To Overcome Self-Esteem Issues
Dear Have Been Bullied & Now Trying To Overcome Self-Esteem Issues,
TeenHealthFX is very sorry to hear that you had to deal with some bullying when you were younger that ended up having such a lasting impact on your self-esteem and mood. However, we are pleased that you were able to go to your parents to discuss your concerns and that you felt their encouragement and support to be helpful. One of the most important things when dealing with emotional health issues is to reach out to loved ones for support and help – we are glad you did that and that you had a positive experience in doing so.
As for additional things you can do, consider the following:
· FX is unsure why you view meeting with a psychologist as a “last resort.” If you had terrible pains in your stomach, you probably wouldn’t consider meeting with a gastroenterologist as a last resort – it would be one of the first things you would do so you could find out what was wrong and get whatever treatment was needed. Similarly, if you are in emotional distress, meeting with a therapist should not be seen as a last resort, but should be higher up on the list of possible things to do. Your self-esteem issues and difficulties being happy may be mainly connected to this early bullying experience. However, low self-esteem, difficulties feeling happy, having frequent mood changes – these are all symptoms of various mood disorders. FX thinks that it would be helpful to have a consultation with a mental health professional so that he/she could assess what is contributing to how you have been feeling and then discuss the best course of treatment depending on the diagnosis. If you do have some kind of mood disorder, it would be very important for you to receive treatment from a mental health professional. If you do not, and your mood is being more affected by environmental factors, mental health professionals can still be very helpful in guiding you towards ways to deal with various social issues and self-esteem issues in a way where you will feel better.
· Think of something you are good at – you could even ask your parents’ opinions in terms of what they feel you might be good at – and pursue that particular thing. One of the best ways people can boost their self-esteem is by doing something to best utilize their strengths and talents. This might be doing a sport, doing something musical, being in a theater group, taking art classes, working PT, writing, or doing volunteer work. Everyone has talents and strengths, and it is extremely important to figure out what those talents and strengths are so that you can use them on a regular basis and feel good about yourself as a result. High school will have so many clubs, sports and organizations you can join, so it would be great if you could get connected with some kind of group or activity where you feel successful and effective at what you do.
· It would be helpful for you to come up with some strategies of things you can do to deal with this current bullying. You could either read up on it through some books or online, discuss some options with your parents, or discuss strategies with a mental health professional. FX has listed some resources below that you might find helpful in terms of learning how to deal with bullying.
You are off to a good start in terms of speaking to your parents and reaching out to TeenHealthFX for some further input. FX hopes you will continue to reach out to others and that you will keep working at this problem with the knowledge that things can get better for you.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
Resources on dealing with bullying:
· Dealing with Bullying – A KidsHealth.org article
· Bullying.org: Where You Are Not Alone
· Pacer Center’s Teens Against Bullying
· Stop Bullying Now: Are You Being Bullied?
· Stop Bullying Now – A Human Department of Health and Human Services Website
· The Bully, The Bullied, and the Bystander, by Barbara Coloroso. This book is aimed at helping parents and teachers learn how to stop the cycle of violence, and may be a good resource for your parents as they work to help you with this.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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