Suicide / Question
Published: August 10, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I'm 14 almost 15 year old girl. And lately I've just felt like completely giving up on life. I'm overweight, and even if I wasn't overweight I'd still be ugly. I have Keratosis on my arms, thys, and cheeks. I have bushy eyebrows my mom refuses to help me get rid of, my fingers are stubby, and no matter how much lotion I put on my hands they're still rough. I just hate myself so much I can hardly stand it. But this is just the beginning of my problems. My mother was recently put on strait commision in a small town. So bassically it's like she's making less than minimum wage and she just sits back and takes it. She is always getting drunk and when she does she says the meanest things. And then when I confront her about it the next day she tells me she does everything for me and I'm ungrateful. And I go to school with these pretty thin girls who could eat a cow and never gain any weight and I just hate them. I don't even bother looking in the mirror before going to school because I know no matter what I do I'll just be some troglodyte. I hate my body so much I could scream. I've tried to diet and I've switched to 1% milk and whole wheat bread. I've tried exercising but I just gain more weight. I can't go to the doctor because my mom can't afford health insurance but she doesn't qualify for access. I figure I'm just going to end up spending the rest of my life like this so I figure I mind as well just off myself. There is no point in living if your fat and ugly. The only friend I have is tall and beautiful and I hate being around her. I see her with all the people who just love her and I just hate myself a little more. I just want to stop eating and let myself wither away. I don't want to be the way I am. I hate the way I am. I can't even describe to you the pain I feel every time I look in the mirror and I see how ugly I am. I don't know what to do.
Signed: Down On Myself And Feel Like Giving Up On Life
Dear Down On Myself And Feel Like Giving Up On Life,
TeenHealthFX is very sorry to hear that you are in such pain. It sounds like you are really feeling overwhelmed by all of negativity and stress you are describing. Not only are you feeling so terribly about yourself, you are also trying to cope with living in a house where there is financial strain and where you feel the negative effects of your mother’s difficulties coping with her current work situation.
FX appreciates that it may feel to you like your life will always be like this, however, FX feels strongly that your life does not always have to be this way. As children and teens, there are a lot of things in our life that are out of our control. However, there are still things that are in our control and as we get closer and closer to adulthood, and then enter adulthood, how much is in our power and control only increases. It is important to remember that there are things in your life you do have control over, that as an adult you will have complete say as to how you want your life to be, and that your future will be about what you want for yourself and the choices you make.
Things can get better for you – if you would like to work towards a better life for yourself, than consider some of the following:
· FX is sorry to hear that you do not have health insurance and that you do not qualify for your state-funded insurance assistance, but that does not mean you are out of options. With school starting up soon, you can reach out to your school social worker or school psychologist. Ask him/her if you could meet on a regular basis so that you have someone you can go to for guidance and support. In addition, ask if he/she has any ideas or suggestions of ways in which you can get outside mental health care given your insurance situation.
· If, given your insurance situation, it is difficult to meet with a doctor to discuss diet and exercise issues, then speak with your school nurse and/or school health teacher. It sounds like you would like to make changes to your diet and exercise habits, and, like most people, may need some guidance and support in doing this. You can also speak to your school nurse about your skin and hand concerns – see if she has any recommendations for you. Your school nurse and school health teacher are excellent and free resources for you.
· Think about the things you need to do now to help create a better life for yourself in the future. For example, you may want to focus on doing well in school. The better you do in school, the more opportunities you will have regarding where you can go for college and what scholarships might be possible for you. The more educated you are, the greater the chance that you will be able to choose a job that makes you happy, that provides you with a comfortable income, and that offers you health benefits – all current stressors for you that you could start working towards now so you won’t have to deal with them to this extent in your adult life.
· Given how negatively you are feeling about yourself, FX thinks that it would helpful for you to find some activity where you can use your talents and strengths. Think about where your strengths lie and do some trial and error with different activities until you find the right thing for you. The more you do things where you feel successful and effective, the better you will feel about yourself. This might be doing something in music, theater, artwork, sports, doing some kind of PT work or volunteer work, or focusing on academics.
· As for your feelings about how you look, FX wants you to remember a couple of things. First, we are almost always our worst critics. FX is sure that others are able to see the beauty in you that you are not able to see right now. Take a look at yourself in the mirror and pick out some physical features you like about yourself – your eyes, your hair, your height, etc. When you start getting down on yourself with your looks, remind yourself of the features you do like. Second, remember that the media has created this image of how women should look – and the fact is that the majority of women do not come close to this image. It’s a very unfair thing our society has done to women – especially young women – to make it seem like fitting a certain physical mold is the most important thing. It’s unrealistic for most women to look like what the media tells us we should look like – and it leaves too many women feeling down on themselves. So remember that you don’t have to be a Victoria Secret runway model to be beautiful to others. You also don’t have to meet this kind of physical image to be of value. No matter what you look like, you are a special and valuable person, with special talents and strengths. You matter, you have things to offer, and you have important things you can contribute to this world.
· Talk to your mother about how you are feeling. Let her know that you are feeling so terribly about yourself, and tell her much it hurts when she drinks and says cruel things to you. Let her know that you understand that she is probably under a lot of stress right now, but that it would be helpful if she could remember that you are feeling in a fragile place right now as well. It sounds like both of you could benefit from learning some new coping skills – so maybe you could suggest to her that the two of you help each other learn better ways of dealing with stress since she may be using drinking, and you may be using eating as your current methods to self-soothe. You could even do things together – deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, yoga, meditation, take walks together, turn on the radio and sing and dance together. Anything where you can let off some steam, as well as to relax and have fun.
FX wants you to remember that your life is worth living and that you are a worthwhile person who does have the qualities and strength within you to create a happier life for yourself – even if you have to wait a few years and work a few years to get to where you want to be. Think about some of the suggestions above, consider speaking to some people around you for further help and suggestions, and do not give up!
If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
A national study of women ages 15-44 found that women were almost twice as likely to receive contraceptive services rather than STD services.
