Childhood Sexual Abuse / Question
Published: August 21, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I think I’m a rapist. I was babysitting my mom’s friend’s daughter who is only 7 years old. She sat on my lap when we were watching SpongeBob which made me kind of erect. I started to feel her butt a little and I really enjoyed it. Does that make me a rapist? I’m thinking of suicide because I might harm another child. If this helps, I’m 14.
Signed: I Think I am a Rapist
Dear I Think I am a Rapist,
It is good that you recognize that your behavior was wrong and has the potential to cause harm to the child you had been watching. Most sexual offenders target their victims for their own sexual gratification and have little concern about how it impacts their victims. The fact that you felt remorse and guilt is a positive sign. However TeenHealthFX is concerned that your amount of regret has you contemplating suicide. Taking your life would cause tremendous heart ache to your family and friends to the point that they would never fully recover from it.
At 14 you are just starting to become aware of your own sexuality and probably are experiencing a variety of emotions and feelings. It is common for young males to become sexually aroused even by the slightest stimulation. In fact many young men get spontaneous erections at the most awkward times causing great embarrassment.
What you need to look at are your motivations. If you let a 7 year old girl sit on your lap because you are aroused and looking for sexual stimulation then this is a problem. If she was sitting on your lap and subsequently you got an erection then this is a different matter. The problem here is that when you got aroused, you felt her buttocks which is a boundary that you crossed and totally inappropriate. Deciding what your motivation is will help determine if you have a problem in this area.
This event has caused you a great deal of anxiety and TeenHealthFX thinks it would be a good idea to talk with a therapist about the situation and how you have been feeling. It could be a matter of coming to terms with your sexuality and learning appropriate ways to express it. If it is something other than that then the therapist will work with you on this issue and help you deal with your impulses and find appropriate outlets for your sexuality.
Although you are feeling bad suicide will only cause a great deal of anguish to those who love you. You can lesson your fear of harming a child by not taking on any babysitting jobs until you understand what is going on with your emotions.
If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
30% of teens with depression also have a substance abuse problem.
