Helping Friends And Loved Ones With Their Emotional Issues / Question
Published: August 31, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
My best friend that I've known for three months told me about his life. When he was younger he was adopted by his aunt and uncle because his dad and mom abused him. Pre-school until 6th grade the kids were constantly picking on him, calling him fat, etc. That summer he became depressed a little. When 7th grade came along he got in trouble with the cops because he stalked a girl. That summer his grandfather died, he was his only friend. He started cutting himself 10 times that year and tried committing suicide 12 times. In 8th grade everything was fine. Freshman year came along and he began talking to a girl who was in 6th grade. He became know as the freshman stalker. That summer he tried committing suicide again and cutting. Sophomore year came and he began hanging out with bad friends. He began doing drugs, smoking, and underage drinking. Junior year he still was cutting himself, but not only that, he was craving names into his arms and chest. We have dated and I noticed that he has severe depression, low-self esteem, and that he has put down people to make him feel good. I'm tried of just sitting here and watching him suffer like this. May I have some numbers to give to his mom? Thank you.
Signed: Resources For My Depressed Best Friend
Dear Resources For My Depressed Best Friend,
Since you are very concerned about your friend, and understandably so, FX thinks that it would be fine for you to start by speaking directly to him – encouraging him to seek help and giving him some resources that might be of use to him. Consider passing on some of the following information:
Loss issues related to his parents’ losing custody of him and the death of his grandfather:
· FX suggests that you look into Rainbows, a non-profit, international organization that works to help children and teens who have had to deal with some kind of loss in their lives.
· For more information about dealing with loss issues and helpful resources for dealing with grief issues, please see the website Grief Speaks.
Self-cutting hotline:
· You can contact the Self-Injury Hotline (information only, not a crisis line) at 1-800-DON’T-CUT, 1-800-366-8288.
Resources to help your friend find a therapist to help him deal with all of the substance abuse and emotional issues you listed above:
· If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
Suicide and Crisis Hotlines:
· If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.
· Youth Crisis Hotline, 1-800-448-4663, 24 hours, 7 days a week. For youths, 17 years of age or younger who are in crisis.
· Kids Peace: The National Center for Kids Overcoming Crisis, 1-800-8kid-123 (1-800-854-3123), 24 hours, 7 days a week
Information and Help with Substance Abuse Issues:
· National Institute on Drug Abuse & Alcoholism, 1-888-644-6432
· Alateen: A recovery program for young people
If there is some concern about how your friend is handling himself in dating situations and with members of the opposite sex, the following resources might also be helpful:
· Choices is a counseling group through JBWS (Jersey Battered Women’s Services) for male teens, ages 12-17, who have begun using abuse in relationships. If you live in northern New Jersey and want to learn more about the Choices program, call 973-539-7801.
· Call the Sexual Abuser Treatment Referral Line at 1-802-247-3132, Monday-Friday from 9am-4:30pm if you are interested in locating a treatment provider for an individual with sexual behavior problems.
· If you know someone who is being stalked, contact the National Center for Victims of Crime Stalking Resource Center at 800-FYI-CALL M-F, 8:30am-8L30pm EST.
You can also give this same list to his current caregiver, so she can encourage that he enlist help from some of these sources as well. In addition, you can suggest that she be in her own therapy as well to learn how to better cope with this situation and handle his substance use and emotional distress in a way that will be helpful to him. You might also suggest that she attend Al-Anon meetings, a support group to help people who are dealing with loved ones who are problem drinkers. She can go to the Al-Anon website or call 1-888-4Al-ANON for more information.
If you find that neither your friend nor his current caregivers are intervening in a way that is helpful to your friend, FX suggests that you speak to a counselor at your school who can intervene with the family and ensure that everyone in the home is getting the help they need to get through this very difficult time. You can be there for your friend with love and support, but the most helpful thing you can do for him is to keep letting adults in his life know about what is going on until someone is able to intervene in a way that helps him to get better.
FX would also like to stress the importance of your having your own sources of support if you continue to maintain any kind of relationship with this person. It can be very difficult to have a close relationship with someone who is going through such emotional distress – and it is important for loved ones of people with emotional and/or substance abuse issues to have their own sources of guidance and support.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Girls are more likely to intentionally abuse prescription drugs than boys.
