TeenHealthFX - Answers - Best Friend Has Intense Fear Of Death

Worries, Fears and Anxiety Disorders / Question
Published: September 30, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

My best friend has an intense fear of death. Everyday when school ends she's like" how can you be happy that the day is over? the end of the day just means one less day before we die".Her 15th birthday is coming soon and everyone's excited about it except her. She keeps saying that 15 is "old" and that she's just gonna be a year older which means that she has 15 less years to live on this earth. She's also scared that her parents are going to die unnaturally and suddenly. She's really starting to scare me and I can't figure out why she's thinking these thoughts. No one in her family ever died suddenly. She has everything that you could possibly wish for and yet she still thinks like this! Please help!!

Signed: Best Friend Has Intense Fear Of Death

Dear Best Friend Has Intense Fear Of Death,

TeenHealthFX can appreciate why you are feeling so concerned about your friend, and maybe even your friendship. For one thing, it would be easy to imagine that her overall sense of happiness and peace is being significantly disrupted by these fears. Second, FX wonders if it starting to feel difficult for you because her fears are starting to color so much of her mood and conversation when the two of you are together – phobic reactions in people can affect them as well as their relationships with others.

FX recommends that you speak with your friend and let her know that you are concerned about how much she seems to be preoccupied with death and dying. You could even ask her if she’s noticed that she’s become very focused on these fears and whether or not she sees it as a problem. Let your friend know that you think it would be helpful for her to seek out mental health treatment from a therapist trained in dealing with anxiety disorders. It is very possible that your friend is dealing with a specific phobia involving the fear of death and dying, known as thanatophobia or thanotophobia. She may require individual therapy, family therapy, medication management on an anti-anxiety drug, or some combination of the three to get these thoughts and worries under control.

Without knowing more about your friend, it is difficult to know what is contributing to her fears. You mentioned that she has never had to deal with a family member or friend dying – but it is important to remember that fears like your friend is dealing with are often not based in any kind of reality or rationale. After meeting with your friend a therapist would be able to determine what the main contributing factors are in this situation, and then come up with the best course of treatment.

If your friend is resistant to speaking to her parents about this so that arrangements can be made for a consultation and treatment with a mental health professional, then you could always go directly to her parents or speak with a school counselor who could intervene on her behalf.

You could also pass on this information to your friend in terms of where to go for help:

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX