Worries, Fears and Anxiety Disorders / Question
Published: January 6, 2010
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I've been feeling really bad this whole year. I'm always in a bad mood, I just feel this terrible pain in my chest, and I feel as if nothing can help me. I think a lot about how it’s useless for me to be here, and I wish that someone would notice. I don’t think my parents understand I told my mom I was feeling really bad and she just said its teen moods; you’re supposed to feel this way. I think about suicide, my grades have really dropped, and now I’m burning my upper arm. I don’t know how to explain it, but it helps in a twisted way. I just feel like a ghost, same routine, not feeling anything. I think that if I was to disappear, nothing would change. I don’t want to see a therapist, I don’t trust that well.....I need help.
Signed: I Don't Trust That Well
Dear I Don't Trust That Well,
TeenHealthFX is concerned that you have been feeling so poorly for the past year. It must be very frustrating to suffer this way and feel like no one understands. While it is true that the adolescent years can be filled with highs and lows and many of these experiences are part of the growing process, it is also true that adolescents can suffer from significant emotional turmoil that lies outside the scope of “teen moods.” Thinking about suicide and burning your arm are major signs that you are seriously struggling and need help.
Self injurious behavior such as burning or cutting yourself may bring temporary relief but it is an extremely unhealthy way to deal with stress. It can lead to compulsive behavior where it becomes hard to stop the self-injurious behavior even though you want to. You also run the risk of medical complication when you burn yourself, namely infections. Learning effective coping strategies can provide the long term relief that you are looking for without causing injury to yourself.
It is possible that your parents truly do not realize how much pain you are in but it does not mean that they don’t care. You noted that “I wish someone would notice.” Sometimes this takes initiative on your part. There can be a tendency to think that others can really see what is going on with us, but this is not always the case. People can get so caught up in their lives that they fail to recognize that that someone close to them is in a great deal of pain.
TeenHealthFX think that it is critical that you approach your parents again and let them know what you have shared with us. Pick a time where you will have their undivided attention and everybody is not rushed. You can even print out this question and have them read it as a way to get the conversation going. Most likely once your parents realize how much you have been suffering they can work with you to get the help you need.
A good place to start would be with your Pediatrician or Internist since you mention that you have been suffering from a terrible pain in your chest. Although this could be a symptom of the stress that you have been suffering it is a good idea to rule out any medical issues that might be present. It is also extremely important that you share with your doctor what has been going on in your life including the suicidal ideation. Explain to the doctor what you have been doing to your arm as a way of coping. Sometimes people who self-injure are embarrassed to tell someone that they have been harming themselves. It is important to remember your doctor is not there to pass judgments and will recognize that burning yourself is a symptom of a deeper problem and want to help you. Once you are cleared medically your doctor can talk to you and your parents about the importance of therapy when dealing with the issues you presented. Since doctors work with problems that have an emotional basis all the time they can be a valuable referral resource. The key is that you want a professional who is experienced working adolescents, especially self injurious behavior.
Even though you don’t really want to see a therapist it is essential that you go. Having difficulty trusting can be a challenge in therapy but it shouldn’t be a barrier from you going. It probably would be helpful to meet with a few therapists an pick the one who you are most comfortable with. Starting therapy can be hard. Essentially you are expected to meet this stranger and talk about some of your most personal thoughts, not an easy task for an adolescent. However with time you gain a level of comfort that will make trust much easier. You have to give yourself and the therapist a chance.
Because you are harming yourself and having suicidal ideation it is imperative that you seek help right away. Make an appointment with your doctor or seek out a mental health professional as soon as possible. No one does it alone so please do not suffer in silence.
If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern
If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health in Morristown 973-971-6475 or the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health in Summit at 908-522-5757 for an appointment. Outside this area contact your local teen health center
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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