Childhood Sexual Abuse / Question
Published: April 3, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Hi. I read a question very similar to this but I have a different question. I am an 12 year old girl. My 24 year old cousin is a massage therapist. One day when she was baby sitting me, she asked me to take my shirt off and lay on the bed so I did because I'm not embarresed because she is my cousin. She was giving me great shoulder and back massages. Then she asked me if a wanted an even better one. I said yes of couse because the other ones were wonderful. She said I had to take off my pants and underwear for this one. I figured she new what she was doing because she is trained so I did. She started massaging me in my vaginal area. She was right, it felt so good. I must have been getting wet down there because she put her fingers up me easily still massaging. It was the best massage ever. Then she told me to close my eyes so it would feel even better. When she started massaging again I think she used her tongue! I'm not sure thought because I didn't want to look. Was this really wrong of her? Is that a real massage? I don't want to tell on her because I love her. Please help me.
Signed: Is That A Real Massage
Dear Is That A Real Massage,
No, this was not a legitimate massage. Your cousin used her position as a massage therapist, as well as being your cousin and your babysitter, to exploit your trust and your parent's trust for her own sexual gratification. You did nothing wrong and just because your body responded to the stimulation does not mean that it was okay.
It is important that you tell your parents or an adult you trust what has happened to you.
Your cousin needs help and probably will not stop this sexual exploitation until she is caught. While telling on her may be a very difficult thing to do, it is the only way she is going to get the help she needs. She alone is responsible for her actions and she is the one who has harmed you. You did nothing wrong and you should not have to feel guilty for standing up for yourself.
It would also be healthy for you to see a therapist to deal with the numerous mixed feelings that you are bound to have because of this incident. There are therapists who are specifically trained to deal issues of sexual abuse and will be able to help you sort through your emotions. Since the incident involved a family member some sessions may be devoted to help the family cope with their response and educate them on ways to be supportive of you.
If you would like to learn more about sexual abuse or need help finding a therapist in your area you can contact Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAIN), 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), 24 hours, 7days a week.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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