Childhood Sexual Abuse / Question
Published: March 17, 2001
Dear TeenHealthFX,
When I was 7 an older friend of mine who was about 13 at the time made me and some other children play a game. It basically involved this boy, also 7, inserting his penis into my vagina whilst she watched. Sometimes I was tied to the bed. I did not like it but I did not resist, as I was too scared. Is this normal or was I abused?
Signed: Is This Normal Or Was I Abused
Dear Is This Normal Or Was I Abused,
This type of behavior that you were forced into is not normal and is considered sexual abuse. The most important thing to remember is that you did nothing wrong. People with abnormal sexual impulses target children because they are trusting and the child is unable to realize that what they are doing is not appropriate. It may not feel right to the victim at the time but they do not have the maturity to realize they are being exploited. Offenders generally groom their victims before they take advantage of them. Grooming means they gain their trust by treating them nice, buying them presents and gaining their parent's confidence. This is why the majority of children are abused by someone they know. Other offenders use force and their superior size and strength and pick their victim randomly when the opportunity is available.
The offender also tends to uses intimidation to get their victims to remain quiet. They may threaten the child or make the child believe that something bad will happen to the child's parent if the secret is revealed. The offender knows that they are in control and use fear to get their way. The use of fear is also used to overcome resistance. It is hard to fight back when you are paralyzed with fear.
Now that you are recalling this terrible experience, it would be helpful for you to seek counseling. Many people who have been sexually abused have difficulty trusting others. Therapy can help you sort out your feelings on being victimized and help keep this experience from interfering with your life. The counselor will also be able to help you determine your legal rights. You may want to file charges against the person who victimized you, or you may not want to press charges because you do not want to relive the ordeal or face the person who hurt you. These choices are entirely up to you.
You probably will want to tell your parents what has happened to you. This may seem scary because you may be afraid of their reaction. You could have someone help you to talk to your parents, such as the school nurse, the school counselor or a friend. Your parents will probably be angry with the person who hurt you but their attention will turn to you and they will be eager to help. Having your parents support is important because you will be able to talk about the abuse with them and not suffer in silence.
If you would like to see a therapist and live in northern New Jersey you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888.247.1400 for an appointment.
If you are unsure what to do you can call the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) hotline number at 800.656.Hope (4673) and talk to a counselor anonymously.
Please reach out, there are many people who want to help you.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Teens with untreated depression are more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors, leading to higher rates of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
